TNA Impact Report – 7/5/16

We open the show with Matt Hardy and family celebrating Maxel’s first birthday in what appears to be the same evil wrestling dojo where Matt put Jeff through the table. Reby explains to Manservant Benjamin (in Spanish) that Matt is not sick and that today is about Maxel, not Matt or Jeff. Jeff says Maxel will one day be the heir to the Hardy name after he deletes Brother Nero.

Mike Bennett and Maria come out to the ring and tell the fans to stand up and take notice of the greatest X Division Champion of all time…EVER! He’s not waiting to cash in Option C, he wants to do it tonight because the fans need somebody to believe in, a hero, and he is the hero that TNA desperately needs. He’s been nearly perfect since coming here, and he wants to cash that perfection in for the TNA World Title tonight, and he wants whoever he has to hand that title over to to come out so they can get this going. Dixie Carter comes out, sugah, and Bennett says it’s nice to see her since she hasn’t been around since assaulting her wife for no reason at all. Dixie says he’s disrespecting the title and everyone who has ever held it, but Option C will be in effect later tonight, but he’ll have to defend that title one more time before cashing it in. Bennett says Billy Corgan told him he was good after last week, but Dixie pulls rank and he’s going to defend that title tonight. Dixie thought the best person for him to face tonight would be the entire X Division roster, and to make it even more special, there’s one match that defines the X Division, it’s Ultimate X, and it’s happening right now! The Bennetts aren’t happy about that, but the Ultimate X scaffold lowers to start our opening match…

Ultimate X/X Division Title Match: Mike Bennett vs Trevor Lee vs Andrew Everett vs Braxton Sutter vs DJ Z vs Eddie Edwards vs Rockstar Spud vs Mandrews

So I guess the fact that everyone was suited up and ready to wrestle means everyone knew this match was happening BUT Mike Bennett, right? They do spots until Sutter kicks Spud in the face so hard that Spud has to be taken to the back. The spotfest continues until everyone lays everyone else out and they’re all down. DJ Z almost gets to the belt, but Lee hangs on him until he drops, then German suplexes him into next week. Lee stands on Everett’s shoulders to handwalk to the belt, but Bennett dumps Everett, then plants Lee with a spinebuster. Edwards and Bennett fight it out on the top rope and Edwards super Frankensteiners Bennett. Everett comes after Edwards, but Edwards runs right past him and takes Helms and Lee out with a dive. Instead of going for the belt (which would make sense), Everett hits a dive of his own. Sutter also forgoes a chance to get the belt to take a dive, and…well, you know what happens here. Everyone takes turns blowing free chances to get the title to hit dives, especially Mandrews, who moonsaults off the side of the structure. Bennett makes it back into the ring and doesn’t want to climb, so he gets a ladder out from under the ring…and Edwards baseball slides it into Bennett’s ribs. The crowd goes nuts for Edwards as he climbs onto the ropes. Bennett quickly comes in and sets up the ladder and climbs, but Edwards kicks Bennett to the mat, keeps scurrying, and gets the belt.

Winner and New X Division Champion: Eddie Edwards

Great to see two workers as good as Bennett and Edwards marginalized in a mindless spotfest like this. It was what these always are.

We look back at the finish of last week’s main event, then we see a video from after the show when Drew Galloway and Ethan Carter III get in each other’s face and wind up brawling until security separates them.

King Of The Mountain Title Match: Eli Drake vs James Storm

They start brawling right off the bell, and Storm quickly takes control, pummeling Drake and backdropping him into the next zip code. Storm goes up for the ten punches in the corner, then Drake hides behind the ref to set up a suckerpunch. Drake is in control now, and starts unloading on Storm and choking him on the ropes. Storm tries firing back, but walks into a powerslam and an elbowdrop for 2. Drake brings the belt into the ring, the ref takes it away, he gets it again, the ref takes it away again, and that gives Storm an opening to mount his fiery babyface comeback. Storm hits a slingblade and Closing Time, then he sets up for the Last Call and hits it, but he knocks Drake to the floor. He goes out after Drake, who plays dead until Storm lets go and rolls inside to break the count, at which point he grabs the belt and hammers Storm with it until the referee disqualifies him.

Winner by DQ: James Storm

Drake lays Storm out after the match, then holds the belt over the unconscious Storm and says he’ll never get a taste of this title.

We see scenes of what is to come during the Final Deletion later on tonight, then we go backstage to Marti Belle, who brandishes her baton while telling Jade to come out and play. They’ll face off in a no DQ match tonight!

Eddie Edwards is backstage saying Option C was stolen from him, but now he has it back and has a lot to think about.

No DQ Match: Marti Belle vs Jade

They start brawling on the floor, and Marti rams Jade into the ringpost before dumping her into the ring…along with a trash can full of weapons. Marti works Jade over with a cookie sheet, then bulldogs Jade onto the cookie sheet. Marti gets a chair and a kendo stick, and gives Jade a back massage with the stick. Jade no-sells and tells Marti to bring it on, then she catches the next swing from the stick, works Marti over with it, then puts a trash can over Marti’s head and takes some batting practice. Jade puts Marti in the corner and hits a shotgun dropkick, still with the can over her head, and covers for 2. Marti has the baton, but Jade uses the nunchuks to disarm her and knock her on her ass. Jade with another shotgun dropkick, then sets a chair up in the middle of the ring, hits the package piledriver on it, and puts her former BFF away.

Winner: Jade

Great streetfight, and hopefully Jade can get back into the title picture now.

We see Manservant Benjamin mowing Matt’s lawn to get ready for the Final Deletion, which will be coming up later tonight!

We go to Jeff Hardy’s house, where he walks in the front door and starts playing guitar. Then we go to a view from a helicopter drone that Matt sent to spy on Jeff. It rings the doorbell and calls him Brother Nero before several more drones fly into Jeff’s house and he has to fight them off with his guitar. The last one projects a hologram of Matt cutting a promo on Jeff saying the Final Deletion happens tonight, then the drone takes off as Jeff chases it out of his house. He’s so pissed off now that he hops on his dirtbike and chases the drone, which we see from the perspective of the drone’s rearview cam, helpfully rendered in Terminator-Vision. We see Jeff riding his lawnmower and laughing as he says Brother Nero will be deleted tonight. This is seriously the weirdest angle I’ve ever seen in my life, and that covers a lot of ground.

We go back to the comparative sanity of the Impact Zone (let that one sink in) where Mike Bennett is raving about how he’s the hero this company needs to survive, and he is batter than Eddie Edwards, better than Bobby Lashley, and he deserves to be in the main event of Destination X. All the fans do is make stupid jokes when they should be on their knees thanking them and begging him to stay here. Maria tells Dixie that she’s had enough of this and wants her to come out here right now, but instead, they get Billy Corgan and his sunglasses. Maria tells Billy she loves him and they’ve had some great times together, and they know he’s going to do the right thing and ignore what the fans have to say because she is the one who deserves to be heard, and deserves to be President of TNA Wrestling. One week of vacation was not enough for Dixie Carter, and it’s going to have to be either Dixie or her. This brings out Dixie herself, and Maria puts Bennett in front of her because she doesn’t trust her after last time. She wants to know which of them it’s going to be, and she goes completely off the deep end asking YOUORMEYOUORMEYOUORMEYOUORME. Dixie finally says she’s calling Maria’s bluff, she is President of this company, and she’s not going anywhere. She manipulates the rules, she manipulates Billy, but she hired them to make a difference here, not become a joke. Bennett says people tune into TNA because of him, and if he doesn’t wind up in the main event of Destination X…no, she’s going to put him in the main event, and there’s no ifs, and, or buts about it. Dixie puts him in the main event or they walk. Maria asks Dixie what it’s going to be, but Billy gets in between them, and finally has to yell at Maria to shut up. Billy wants to defuse the situation right now and tells Maria to take a breath and step back. He’s fond of both of them, but they’re acting like spoiled children. Bennett had what he wanted in his hands, and the reason he’s not in the main event of Destination X is because he blew it. As far as Dixie goes, she’s been more than fair, and he’s not going to stand here and watch them take advantage of her. He came here to clean this crap up: no more politicking, if they want to walk, he’ll hold the door for them. Bennett asks the fans if they want them to quit, and he says they’re not going to quit, but they just made their bed, and now they’re going to have to lie in it. At Destination X, he is going to ruin the entire show. Bennett drops the mic, and they walk off without another word.

Back to the Matt Hardy Compound, where he has Manservant Benjamin prepare the battlefield for the Final Massacre. Benjamin tightens the turnbuckles and buries fireworks in the dirt, and Reby asks him (in Spanish) what the hell he’s doing, and he says he’s preparing the battlefield for massacre. Matt Hardy gives him a little gasoline from an earlier landscaping excursion, and then walks off with his arm around Reby.

Bobby Lashley is backstage saying the Ultimate X was a spectacle, but he’s never been in a real fight full of circus tricks, he fights with his hands. Eddie Edwards has a choice to make, and that decision should be very simple: keep his title and continue his reign, because he is not ready for this.

The Bromans & Raquel vs Decay

Jessie stops Decay’s entrance, and he tells Robbie that he knows he thinks he and Raquel are keeping secrets from him, but he’s been plugging Big Brother After Dark, and he has a secret to reveal to everyone, and it’s…a video of Rosemary making out with Bram. Abyss and Steve aren’t happy with this, and the Bromans use the opening to go after Decay. Raquel throws Rosemary into the ring and attacks her, but Steve tags in and Raquel tags out to Robbie, and both Bromans come in to double team Steve. Jessie winds up in trouble, but he takes Abyss out with a flying shoulder tackle and makes the hot tag to Robbie. Robbie cleans house on Steve and drives him face first into the mat with Hertz Donut. Robbie dropkicks Abyss off the apron as Jessie gets Steve in the Adonis Lock. Rosemary jumps on Jessie’s back, but Raquel takes her out, then Decay lays Robbie out and Abyss tries to chokeslam Steve onto him, but Robbie moves, Jessie takes Abyss out with a flying forearm, then they hit the BroDown on Steve for the win.

Winners: The Bromans & Raquel

Good match!

Eddie Edwards is backstage, and he’s…THINKING! He’ll make his decision after this commercial break!

Jeremy Borash is in the ring with Eddie Edwards, and he says that he’s held the X Division Title and Tag Team Title, but he’s never had a chance to be the World Champion. Borash asks if he will cash it in for a shot at Bobby Lashley, and Edwards says he wasn’t the X Division Champion when he woke up this morning, but his choice is…well, before we hear his answer, Bobby Lashley comes out to share his advice. He came out here to help make Eddie’s decision a little easier, and he says he’s a great wrestler, a likeable guy, and a great X Division Champion, but Bobby Lashley is the most dominant champion in the business today, and he doesn’t want Eddie to make a mistake. Eddie says Lashley doesn’t scare him because he’s broken bones, he broke his elbow and wrestled a aldder match the next day and won, and he blew out his heel on that floor and is still standing here. Lashley puts his hand on Eddie’s shoulder, but Eddie slaps it away and tells him to keep his hands to himself. Lashley asks if he’s serious because he retired Kurt Angle, he put Drew Galloway and EC3 out, and he tells Eddie not to mistake him for one of these X Division guys. He says if Eddie really wants to do this, they can do title for title, and when he beats Eddie, he’ll rip the heart out of the X Division. That’s how Eddie makes history…or he could take his title and go home, forget this happened, and never ever speak of this again, and he won’t bother Eddie ever again. Eddie says that Lashley obviously doesn’t know him very well because, even though keeping his title would be the smart thing, his heart is telling him something different by telling him that the X Division Title means everything, and everyone who has held it feels the same way because they’re the best wrestlers in the world. Lashley says then they can do it and make it champion vs champion, and Eddie says let’s do this. They both hold their titles up as Borash announces that it’ll be title vs title. Lashley suckerpunches Eddie, Eddie takes a run at Lashley and gets suplexed out of his boots. Lashley goes for the spear, but Eddie catches him with the Boston Knee Party. Lashley bails to the floor as Eddie holds both belts up. Great segment.

We look back at last week when Drew Galloway and Ethan Carter III were brawling, and then we go to video feeds of both men in different locations for a point-counterpoint. EC3 says they both wanted the title, but Drew decides to make this personal. Drew says they have a lot of similarities, but the one difference is that EC3 isn’t the wrestler or the man that he is. Ethan Carter III is standing in the way of Drew getting his title back, but EC3 says he’s kicked every ass here and has beaten everyone in this company. The World Title doesn’t belong to anyone, it’s won in matches, and Drew didn’t win last week. Drew says he didn’t either, but every time Drew’s close to winning his title back, EC3 is in his way. Drew says EC3 should get in the ring with him so he can show what kind of animal he is. EC3 says that if Drew thinks he’s his problem, now he is, so he’s going to put on his best ass-kicking jeans and, at Destination X, he’s going to kick Drew’s ass.

It’s main event time…or something! The referee pulls up in a car and finds a wrestling ring surrounded by torches. Matt says he is the one he saw in his premonition, and not to rescuscitate Brother Nero, because he must be DELETED. He must summon the evil enigma, which he does with the violin he was gifted from his friend Antonio Stradavari. Jeff suddenly materializes behind Matt, who says he knew Brother Nero would come, and this match they’re about to have is Jeff’s true Armageddon. The “match” will start…after this break!

The Final Deletion: Matt Hardy vs Jeff Hardy

Manservant Benjamin reads a statement (in Spanish) that what we are about to see is performed by trained professionals and should not be attempted at home. This is edited in a way that doesn’t really make it a cohesive wrestling match, so I’ll do my best to hit the highlights. It’s edited more like a fight scene from a movie, as Jeff superplexes Matt and gives him a diving headbutt. He gets what looks like a piece of flowered trellis and throws Matt through it for 2, then Matt gives him a Twist of Fate for 2 and starts beating him with a kendo stick. Matt breings a ladder into the ring and works Jeff over with it. This looks like an episode of Lost mixed with wrestling with all the torches and trees. Jeff gives Matt his own Twist of Fate, tears off the shirt, and comes off the top with a Swanton for 2. We have dramatic music in the background for this whole thing as Jeff sets up a ladder in the corner, gives Matt another Twist of Fate, and puts him on top of the ladder. Jeff climbs another ladder into a tree, and he’s pretty far up as he goes for a Swanton…and Matt moves. Jeff bounces off the ladder and Matt covers for 2. Matt works Jeff over with a chair, then gets fireworks out from where Manservant Benjamin buried them, and begins SHOOTING THE FIREWORKS AT JEFF. Jeff is using a trash can lid as a shield, and we hear the fireworks bouncing off the trash can lid before we go back to Matt, who grabs a rake and tells Brother Nero that it’s OVAH! He finds Jeff and goes “OH S***!” as he realizes that Jeff got ahold of some fireworks of his own, and he hides behind a steel canoe as Jeff shoots more fireworks at his brother. Matt gets a sleeper, but Jeff falls backwards and they both go into the river. Matt walks out, but Jeff is nowhere to be seen, and Matt says that Brother Nero has been flushed, Suddenly, Willow emerges from the lake and attacks Matt until Manservant Benjamin zaps Willow with a taser. Matt gets a flashlight and calls out for Brother Nero, and finds Willow’s lifeless form on the grass. He calls the referee over and covers him for a three count, but then he takes the mask off and reveals Manservant Benhamin underneath! The fall is now redacted, and Jeff Hardy comes out of nowhere to blindside Matt, and they fight into the dirtbike pit where Jeff chokes Matt out. He sees his Jeff Hardy symbol standing in front of him and climbs up it to do a Swanton, but Reby hands Matt a flame he uses to ignite the symbol and send Jeff tumbling to the ground. Matt covers Jeff’s unconscious form, and now pins Jeff to unequivocally win the match and claim the rights as the sole, true Hardy.

Winner: Matt Hardy

I have to say that this is the single most bizarrd thing I have ever seen in professional wrestling. In over 25 years of watching this stuff, this went so far outside the bounds of anything I’ve ever seen that I honestly just don’t have the words for it. Just so, so strange.

Source: PWInsider