TNA iMPACT Results – 8/26/2010

We open with a video recap of the formation of Fortune, their attacks on nearly everyone in TNA, and Dixie Carter’s announcement of EV2.0 getting contracts, followed by Abyss interfering in last week’s AJ Styles-Tommy Dreamer match. We then go backstage to Eric Bischoff pleading with Dixie Carter to be able to go out to the ring with her, but Dixie refusing because she wants to do this herself.

We head out to the ring where Dixie Carter, complete with her own entrance music, comes out with a microphone. Oh, and by the way, in case you didn’t know, you can follow Dixie Carter on Twitter! Dixie says that a lot of great things have happened since she’s been involved with TNA, but there have been challenges as well, and it’s through these challenges that TNA has become stronger and become a family. She talks about far outlasting the critics’ predictions, the countless people who have helped build TNA into what it is today, and she vowed back then that she would never let anyone or anything hurt this company, and she plans to keep that promise. She calls Ric Flair out to the ring for a stern talking to. So Cal Val, who they sorely need to get on TV more, holds the ropes open for Flair. Flair tells Dixie that she is drop dead gorgeous, almost to the point of being sultry, and he suggests they go back to the hotel and resolve this like two grown adults. Dixie says that she was excited when Flair came to TNA because he said he was going to be a leader and help coach the young guys in the locker room, and he has failed them. Hulk and Bischoff said Flair was no good, and she didn’t want to believe them, but his actions since Hardcore Justice have been deplorable. Dixie respects Flair’s legendary status, but Flair will be treated the same as every man and woman in the back, and unfortunately, she’s suspending Flair for 90 days without pay. Dixie asks if she’s suspending Fortune too, and she says no, only him. Flair responds by saying that he and Fortune are as one, and calls Fortune out to the ring. They come out in suits and join Flair in the ring. Flair says these are some of the greatest professional wrestlers Flair has ever seen, and Dixie says she agrees, but they were all with her building TNA before Flair came to TNA. Dixie asks if this is Flair’s idea of mentoring, and AJ points to the TV Title belt as proof of the value of Flair’s guidance. Dixie says that while Flair is sidelined, Fortune will all be wrestling but he won’t be with them. Flair is aghast at being put on the sidelines, and takes his jacket off and says that he’s going to show her what Naitchin’ is all about. Suddenly Dixie’s husband jumps in the ring and gets his ass kicked. Hogan’s music hits and he comes out with Angle, Jardy, Anderson, and Pope, and Hogan says to tell his boys to let Mr Carter go or he’s going to stick his size 15 up Flair’s ass. Flair doesn’t back down, so Hogan and company surround the ring. Hogan gets in the ring and tells Flair that the smartest thing for his guys to do is listen to him: when Hogan started in TNA, he promised that they would run the company 50-50, and now that Dixie Carter is up to her neck in crap, he’s going to override her and unsuspend Flair. After Fortune beat him down last week, that would be way too easy because Flair has really pissed him off. One thing Flair needs to realize is that his guys are the whole show and the real TNA. Flair says his guys are taking over, and they’re going to do it on his terms and it won’t be tonight. Hogan asks why, and Flair says it’s because he’s not ready. Hogan says if Flair doesn’t want to do it tonight, then why not put four of his guys up against his four tonight? Gee, I wonder who’s going to win this match? As Flair and Fortune make their way up the ramp, EV2.0 comes running out and brawl with Fortune.

We go to commercial, and when we come back we see a recap of the opening segment, and then we go backstage to Kurt Angle, who says that the TNA World Title is the most important thing to the four of them, but tonight it’s about TNA. The opportunities Dixie, Hulk and Bischoff have given to them are important, and they’re going to kick Fortune’s asses.

Let’s head to the ring for our opening match…

Orlando Jordan vs Samoa Joe

Orlando Jordan molests a Samoa Joe action figure on his way to the ring, then grabs So Cal Val and fondles her as well. Joe goes right to work on Jordan, repeatedly punching him in the face and then beating him down in the corner. Joe charges in with a running forearm and a standing enziguiri, then locks in the Kokina Clutch but Jordan rams him into the corner…and lapdances him. Jordan uses the distraction to catch him with a back elbow and unload with punches and kicks. Jordan continues the assault and whips Joe into the ropes, catching him coming off with a back elbow, and then takes him to the corner where he goes up with a corner mount, but instead of punching him, he grabs the Joe action figure off the ringpost and licks it. This infuriates Joe, who absolutely decimates Jordan with a series of big moves, then sets Jordan up in the corner and hits the Muscle Buster for three.

Winner: Samoa Joe

Jeff Jarrett’s music hits after the match, and he comes out and joins Joe in the ring. We’ll find out what’s on Jeff Jarrett’s mind…after this commercial break!

We’re back, and Jeff Jarrett says it’s been five years since Joe joined TNA, and Jarrett knew from the first time he saw Joe on the independent scene that he wanted him in TNA. Jarrett says everyone knows it, he’s come a long way in five years, and Jarrett feels like he’s been a big part of that. He’s not out here to ask Joe any favors, but is proposing that tonight, Joe be in Jarrett’s corner when he takes on Kevin Nash. He says that Sting and Nash are trying to tear down what they all built, and they’re all about greed and they’re pissed off because they’re not the top dogs anymore. Jarrett says that he’ll take care of Nash in the match, and asks Joe if he’ll take care of Sting if he gets involved in the match. Joe takes a mic from So Cal Val and says that Jarrett needs to understand that Joe doesn’t choose sides because he doesn’t have to, and Joe only knows how to play for one team: his own. Joe walks off and Kevin Nash’s music hits. I guess we’re going right into our next match…

Jeff Jarrett vs Kevin Nash

Nash grabs a chair from ringside, but Jarrett steps on it, so Nash grabs him by the ankle and drags him to the floor and whips him into the guardrail and into the crowd. Nash rams Jarrett into the ring apron, then the stairs, and then rolls Jarrett into the ring. Nash continues pounding on Jarrett with big right hands, then sends him into the corner and rams knees into his gut. Nash follows that up with his patented back elbows in the corner, and I bet he’ll choke him with his boot next…YEP, THERE IT IS! Nash goes to grab his chair, but the referee takes it away, so Nash takes the turnbuckle pad off the corner and tries to ram Jarrett into it, but Jarrett reverses and rams Nash into the exposed turnbuckle instead, then catches him with a flying elbow off the second rope. He goes up for a second, but Nash catches him with a goozle and rams him into the exposed turnbuckle, and then follows that with a chokeslam for a very close 2. Jarrett ducks a clothesline and gets a sleeper, but Nash rams Jarrett into the exposed turnbuckle AGAIN…oh wait, the referee got caught in there and he went into the turnbuckle. Jarrett rams Nash into the turnbuckle again and hits the Stroke, but there’s no ref to count. Instead, Sting comes in to try and help out by nailing Jarrett with his bat a couple of times and leave him laying. Nash crawls over and covers Jarrett, and the referee conveniently revives just in time to make the three count.

Winner: Kevin Nash

Sting comes back in the ring and goes after Jarrett again, but now Hogan’s music hits and…oh, it’s Eric Bischoff. Bischoss asks if this is really what Sting’s come to and if this is how far he’s fallen. He says Nash couldn’t handle Jarrett, so Sting came out. Sting says he wants Hogan, but Bischoff says Hogan is busy, and then asks if Hogan is what Sting really wants, and to be careful what you wish for, because once in a while you might get it. Bischoff says Sting isn’t man enough to understand that, and…ah, Hogan comes out of the crowd with a chair and nails Sting from behind, then grabs Sting’s bat and chases Nash off.

We go backstage to Hogan and Tommy Dreamer, and Hogan says that whether they like it or not, they’re on the same side. Hogan asks Dreamer to take out Abyss tonight, and Dreamer says he’ll do it.

Beer Money vs Tony Luke & Guido Maritato

Beer Money immediately jump the FBI and just destroy them with a series of double team moves. Storm chokes Guido on the ropes and then beats him down in the corner. Storm hits Guido with an enziguiri and then Roode lays him out with a lariat and sucker punches Tony off the ring apron. Guido starts firing back, but Roode gets a full nelson slam. Guido gets a small package out of nowhere for 2, and then makes the hot tag to Tony Luke, who comes off the top rope and gets caught in a spinebuster. Beer Money hit him with the DWI and that’s all she wrote.

Winners: Beer Money

Guido attacks Roode after the match and Storm cracks the beer bottle over his head. Roode picks Tony Luke up and holds him so Storm can superkick his head off, then Storm grabs a piece of the broken glass and gouges Guido’s head open with it. They pick Guido up and just drill him with the DWI before flashing the Fortune sign.

Angelina Love and Velvet Sky are backstage, and they’re…WALKING!

Dreamer is backstage and asks the rest of EV2.0 if they saw what just happened to the FBI, and that Hogan wants Abyss’ head on a stick tonight. Stevie Richards says if that’s what he wants, he’s got it.

We head back out to the Impact Zone, and Angelina Love and Velvet Sky make their way out to the ring. Angelina says that they’ve both made a lot of mistakes, and she felt like when they went their separate ways, something was missing, and Angelina knows that she’s not always a perfect little angel, and she can be a pretty mean bitch, but she does value their friendship and thinks they should just forgive and forget. Velvet takes the mic and says there’s no sense in rehashing the past, especially with that monster they created in Madison Rayne, and they should let bygones be bygones so they can again dominate the Knockounts division. Velvet says holler and they hug. The Beautiful People music plays again, and out comes Madison Rayne on the bike with Dumpy Ass. The two of them get in the ring and Madison says that if she weren’t such a lady, she would barf in the ring right now. Madison says she’s going to sue both of them for copyright infringement for coming out to her song and referring to themselves as the Beautiful People. She’s the only beautiful person in the ring right now, and she’s all natural unlike those two silicone whores. (her words, not mine) Madison first tells Angelina that she doesn’t know if the botox went to her brain, but it was Angelina who brought her to TNA because the Beautiful People needed some class. And to Velvet Sky, Madison wants her to know that she is and has always been one thing, and that’s her little bitch. Velvet flips out and attacks Madison Rayne, and Dumpy Ass tries to intervene, but Angelina goes after her until Overzealous Security Inc runs out to pull them apart, but they break free and the brawl breaks out again.

Backstage, the Motor City Machine Guns show off the copy of Rock Band that they got for free, then talk about their match tonight with Generation Me and other teams breathing down their necks and trying to follow in their footsteps. They’re going to relax a bit, and then go out for their match…next!

Earlier today, Brutus Magnus and Desmond Wolfe are coming into the mall to look for some new threads. Chelsea wants to stop and get some food, but Desmond says no because she ate yesterday. Brutus hands his no limit credit card to Chelsea, who decides to wander off and do some shopping of her own.

Back to the ring for our next match…

TNA World Tag Team Champions Motor City Machine Guns vs Generation Me

This ought to be good. Jeremy and Sabin start and Jeremy gets a quick rollup right off the bat but only gets 1. Sabin fires Jeremy into the ropes and takes him down with a shoulderblock. Jeremy responds with a drop toehold and la magistral cradle for 2. Sabin sends Jeremy into the ropes but Jeremy made a blind tag and Gen Me with a double hiptoss and double dropkick for 2. Sabin and Max reverse waistlocks and Sabin gets a blind tag and the MCMG hit a series of double team moves on Max. Shelley with a kick to the ribs of Max and a big slam, then gets a half crab while stepping on Max’s face. The ref counts even though that isn’t technically illegal, so the MCMG with another double team and Sabin covers for 2. Sabin rams Max into Shelley’s boot, then tags Shelley in, and Shelley with a snapmare and kneedrop for 2, then keep going for the cover a couple more times but can’t get the fall, so instead he gets a three quarter nelson. Sabin tags in, but Max is able to fight his way clear and roll into his corner to make the hot tag to Jeremy, who comes in and cleans house on Sabin with dropkicks. Shelley kicks Jeremy from the outside, but Jeremy nails him and Jeremy with a springboard X-Factor for 2. Gen Me with an amazing assisted springboard moonsault onto the MCMG on the floor, and Max hits Sabin with a spear as he gets back in the ring and then Gen Me with a moonsault/splash combo on Sabin and they go for More Bang For Your Buck, but Sabin holds onto Jeremy and Max moonsaults onto him. Shelley with a double stomp on Jeremy, a lungblower on Max, and the Skull and Crossbones for the win.

Winners: Motor City Machine Guns

The two teams shake after the match and they all raise their hands in a nice show of sportsmanship.

Backstage, Ric Flair is ranting that he and Fortune don’t take orders from anyone, and his guys are the heart and soul of this company, and tonight they find out why Fortune is TNA. Sting and Nash come up from behind and Sting chokes Flair with his bat, and he says that after they get done with the big problem around here, they’re coming for him.

We go to a bizarre video package that just informs us that The Shore is coming soon.

Coming up at No Surrender, AJ Styles faces Tommy Dreamer in an I Quit Match, the Motor City Machine Guns defend the TNA World Tag Team Title against London Brawling: Brutus Magnus and Desmond Wolfe, as well as the semifinals of the TNA World Title Tournament, and…wait a minute, something’s going on backstage! We go to the back where Stevie Richards is attacking Abyss backstage. Richards gets the early upper hand, drilling Abyss with rights and ramming him into a crate backstage, but Abyss tosses Richards into some garbage pails backstage and stomps him out before choking him with his boot. Abyss asks Richards if he wants to join his buddy RVD, and Richards says “screw you!” and Abyss goes “screw this!” as he continues to pound on Richards. Abyss grabs Janice and swings it at Richards, but Richards moves and starts firing back on Abyss. Richards tosses him into some segments of guardrail backstage and chokes him, but Abyss fights back and then rams him into a table. Abyss tells Richards to tell the rest of the EV2.0 guys that what happened to RVD is going to happen to them.

We’re at commercial!

Okay, now we’re back from commercial, and Rhino is in the ring calling out Abyss. Abyss comes out with Janice and Rhino goes right after him when he makes it to ringside. Rhino pounds Abyss and rams him into the ring steps, and then he goes for the Gore but Abyss boots him in the face and then begins unloading with rights of his own. Rhino fires back, but Abyss whips him into the guardrail and they continue trading blows past the Spanish broadcast table and Abyss goes to chokeslam him onto the table, but Rhino fights out and they end up on a ramp and Rhino rams Abyss into the scaffolding. Rhino sets for the Gore and this time he hits it. He seems to have done something to his ankle on that one.

We go backstage to Fortune, and AJ Styles talks about how he built this company, and these guys with him are his guys. It was AJ that gave Dixie the opportunity because he made this company and he made Dixie, and if he has to he’ll tear it down too.

It’s main event time!

AJ Styles, Frankie Kazarian, Matt Morgan & Douglas Williams vs Kurt Angle, The Pope, Ken Anderson & Jeff Hardy

The bell rings and Anderson and Kazarian tie up. They trade wristlocks but Kazarian smacks Anderson in the face, then comes off the ropes with a shoulderblock. Anderson responds with a hiptoss, slam, and then slaps Kazarian in the face and tags in Pope, but Kazarian goes to the eyes and tags in AJ, who comes off the ropes and eats a flying forearm from Pope. Pope with a series of Dusty Rhodes elbows and a double axhandle for 2. AJ rams Pope into the corner and tags in Williams, who nails Pope and then tags Kazarian back in. Kazarian beats him up and tags in AJ, who lays in a series of chops, then gets a snapmare and indy kick to the back. AJ tags in Morgan and Morgan says he wants Hardy, so Pope obliges and tags out to Hardy. Hardy with a duck under into a waistlock, but Morgan just shrugs him off and tosses him into the corner, but Jardy dodges a charge and just beats Morgan down in the corner, then comes off the ropes with a forearm, but AJ grabs Hardy’s leg from the floor, allowing Morgan to take Hardy out with a clothesline. Morgan chokes Hardy in the corner and tags in AJ, who slams Hardy and comes off the ropes with the Fancy Kneedrop for 2. Morgan tags back in and gets the rapid fire elbows in the corner, then gets a big vertical suplex for 2. Williams tags in and just barely manages to hot shot Hardy on the top rope, and then Flair trips Hardy from the outside and pulls him out to the floor where he kicks him in the groin. Hardy makes it back in the ring where Williams hits a kneedrop for 2, then gets a three quarter nelson. Williams lets him go and comes off the ropes, but Hardy with a clothesline and he makes the hot tag to Kurt Angle, who comes in and cleans house on the heels. It’s Angle and Kazarian, and Angle with a German Suplex and then locks in the Ankle Lock, but AJ off the top rope with a flying clothesline, and then everyone comes in and starts hitting their big moves on everyone, ending with Angle hitting the Angle Slam on Kazarian, but he didn’t notice Pope tagging himself in, and Pope runs in and steals the fall on Kazarian.

Winners: Kurt Angle, The Pope, Ken Anderson, and Jeff Hardy

Pope and Angle get in each other’s faces, but not for long as Fortune all run in and lay the faces out. AJ and Storm set up a table at ringside and are about to put Hardy through it, but EV2.0 run out and go after Fortune, returning the favor for last week’s attack. Sabu puts Williams on the table and comes off the apron, putting Williams through the table with an Arabian Facebuster as we go off the air.