TNA Impact Report – 5/17/16

We start off with a video package looking back at last week’s series of confrontations between Bobby Lashley and Drew Galloway, then we see Drew and Lashley arriving at the arena earlier today. Drew is waiting for Lashley when he arrives and goes after him, but Lashley picks Drew up and plows him through a wall. Drew throws a chair at Lashley, and it turns into a pull-apart brawl where they need to be…ready for this? Pulled apart!

We go to the arena where Willow comes out of the back, and we look back at last week’s series of run-ins between Willow and Jeff Hardy as Willow takes a microphone. Willow, who apparently sucked all the helium out of a balloon before coming out, says he has no fear or regret because he is free. Jeff Hardy comes out to confront this imposter, and he doesn’t know who this Shadow Willow is, but there’s only one Willow and it lives inside him. Jeff has no idea who he is, but he’s about to expose him if the CREATURES want him to. He has three questions: does he love, does he hate, does he die something something fate? Willow doesn’t answer, so he attacks Willow and a referee comes out as we jump right into our opening match…

Jeff Hardy vs Willow

Jeff unloads on Willow, Willow hits a Twist of Fate, Jeff gets right back up and hits one of his own, and covers for the three count.

Winner: Jeff Hardy

Well, that was quick. Jeff tries to pull the mask off when another Willow comes out of the crowd and attacks Hardy with a Willow Umbrella. The two Willows point up to the top of the ramp and a…noticeably heftier Willow comes out with another umbrella. If we desire answers and truths, he’ll give Jeff’s worst nightmare. The other two Willows beat Jeff up as the third one watches, and we choose this moment to go to commercial.

We’re back and, sure enough, Willow #3 takes the mask off and it’s Matt Hardy. Matt (in a sort of brain damaged warble reminiscent of drunk Stan Marsh) says that Jeff left him damaged and scarred, and Jeff used his brilliance to get to the top, but he used Jeff’s own creation to destroy him. He loved Willow more than he ever loved Matt, and Matt Hardy is scarred, but Matt Hardy will not die, and he will be Jeff’s destruction. He tells the Willows to lay Jeff out, which they do, and the three of them walk off. Well, almost: he goes back puts Jeff out with a sleeper while yelling at Jeff for taking him away from his family. Finally he lets go and says that everything ends…even the indestructible Jeff Hardy.

Velvet Sky is backstage and a blond woman comes up to her and says that she is Allie, Maria’s assistant, and Velvet has a match tonight…it’s a title match! Oh no, wait, that’s for someone else, Velvet is wrestling Sienna! Allie gets a call from Maria, and Allie lets Velvet know that if she loses tonight, she’s fired. Allie and Maria have a good laugh about it as she saunters off.

Jeremy Borash is backstage with Dixie Carter, and she says that the personal issue between Drew Galloway and Bobby Lashley has gotten so out of hand that she decided to make their match tonight a lumberjack match.

Velvet Sky vs Sienna

Velvet high fives the fans on her way in like this is her last match here or something. She tries a few rollups early on, but Sienna quickly overwhelms Velvet with her brawling offense. Velvet gets a boot in Sienna’s face and tries a charge, but Sienna ducks out of the way and sends Velvet sailing out to the floor. Velvet gets the better of a brawl on the floor and rolls Sienna back inside where she hits a running neckbreaker for 2. Sienna turns it around and hits the bodybag for the win.

Winner: Sienna

And Velvet’s TNA career is over…again. Not the most magical ending to one of the longest-tenured TNA stars ever.

We go to Mike and Maria Bennett’s palatial estate where they’re sitting poolside talking about how things just come easy to them, and Bennett says that when you have a wife like Maria, nothing else compares. Maria takes a dive (in the pool) as Mike says that EC3 needs to fight him, but he has to overcome his past first, and while he’s doing that, his eye is on the future as he plans to become the longest reigning TNA World Champion, and a first ballot TNA Hall of Famer. They’re going to get some sun, then go to the Impact Zone where they can make a Miracle.

We’re back in the arena where Mike Bennett and Maria changed out of their swimwear at light speed, because they’re geared up and talking about people believing in Miracles. He knows the people don’t believe in him because they don’t even believe in themselves, and speaking of people who don’t believe in themselves, that brings him to EC3. He could have easily fought EC3, they could have had just another match, but he would have beaten EC3 and EC3 would have had more excuses. EC3 needs a road to redemption and to overcome the demons of his past, and if he fails on this road, he will not face EC3 at Slammiversary. He’s looking to the future, he’s looking to be the longest-reigning TNA World Champion ever, and that brings him to tonight. He wants to call out a TNA Hall of Famer, it’s not Kurt Angle because he ran every time Bennett tried to fight him, it’s a legend because he has geared up in every wrestling ring around the world: Earl Hebner! Bennett calls Earl out to the ring and says he always wanted Earl to referee one of his matches, and that’s happened, but now he wants to fight Earl. Earl has been in the ring with plenty of legends, and he knows he’s not a wrestler, but Bennett wants to fight a bonafide Hall of Famer, and since he’s the only one active on the roster, he wants to fight him. He could wait until he’s a Hall of Famer himself, but Earl will probably be dead by this point, so he wants a referee out here, as long as it’s not his stupid son. Stiffler comes out and Bennett yells at Earl to fight him, and Earl finally has enough and shoves Bennett in the face. Bennett tells Stiffler to ring the bell, and he does.

Mike Bennett vs Earl Hebner

Bennett punches Earl in the face, takes his jacket off, hangs it in the corner, and slowly walks over, kicks sand in Earl’s face, and makes a cover. He tells Stiffler to count, and Stiffler hesitates, but finally he gets down and counts 2…and Earl gets his shoulder up. Well, that killed Bennett’s right hand just there. Bennett argues with Stiffler, and Earl crawls over, low blows Bennett, then Maria gets in Earl’s face and Earl yells at her and flips her the bird before tearing his shirt off and throwing it at her. Bennett pops up and boots Earl in the face and makes another cover while holding his ding ding. This time Earl can’t quite muster the energy, and this one’s over.

Winner: Mike Bennett

This was so stupid on so many levels. Bennett picks Earl up and goes for a piledriver, but EC3 comes out to stare Bennett down. He runs in and chases Bennett and Maria off, and Bennett gets a mic and says he’s never known Ethan to be a caring individual, but Bennett’s a caring individual too and he has another surprise for EC3. He beat Spud last week, but he faces a much bigger demono tonight when he faces Tyrus in a last man standing match. Tyrus comes out of the crowd and attacks EC3 from behind, and it looks like this match will start…right after this!

Last Man Standing: Ethan Carter III vs Tyrus

The match is in progress when we come back, and EC3 breaks out of a nerve hold and starts to mount a comeback before Tyrus flattens him with a front powerslam. Tyrus gets a chair from the floor and slams Carter on it, then gets a second chair and tries a conchairto, but EC3 gets out of the way, wedges a chair in the corner, and rams Tyrus into it. EC3 hits a trio of Stinger splashes in the corner, dodges a charge from Tyrus, and comes off the top rope with a crossbody. EC3 brings a table into the ring, drills Tyrus with a chair several times, and Tyrus barely beats the count. EC3 sets up a chair platform, but Tyrus suplexes EC3 through it. The referee counts, EC3 gets to his feet, but Tyrus goozles EC3 and literally chokes him out. Tyrus goes up in the corner near the table (gee, I wonder what’ll happen here) and goes for the Vader bomb, but EC3 gets up and powerbombs him through the table. Tyrus still beats the count, catches a chair swing from EC3, throws the chair away, and suplexes EC3 into the next zip code. They go out to the floor and Tyrus splashes EC3 on the ramp, but EC3 beats the count…then goes right back down. Tyrus grabs a piece of the barricade and leans it against the ring, but EC3 fights back and gives Tyrus a Samoan drop through the barricade. EC3 puts the ring steps on top of Tyrus, then uses a chair to repeatedly bash the steps into Tyrus to make sure he doesn’t get up. Sure enough, he doesn’t.

Winner: Ethan Carter III

Great brawl! I liked what a monster they made Tyrus look like in this one. Mike Bennett comes out to the top of the ramp and nods at EC3, who stares holes in his skull.

We see a video package of Bobby Lashley doing MMA training prior to his title match tonight.

Jeff Hardy is backstage ranting about how Matt Hardy tried to destroy him with his own creation, but at Slammiversary, he’s going to end this.

Trevor Lee & Andrew Everett vs Eddie Edwards & DJ Z

The Helms Dynasty gets off to a strong start, trapping Eddie in their half of the ring, but Eddie tags DJ Z in to clean house on both opponents. DJ Z chases Everett around ringside, but Trevor drills him with a running boot across the apron. Hey, that’s Davey’s move! Now DJ Z is in trouble, but he tags Eddie in and now Eddie goes to town on Trevor and Everett and hits a backpack driver on Everett for 2. Trevor gets dumped to the floor and DJ Z takes him out with a dive through the ropes, but Trevor gets a shot on DJ Z a moment later and allows Everett to pop off a moonsault…and land face first on DJ Z’s feet. Eddie takes Trevor out with another dive, then DJ Z finishes Everett off with a leaping DDT.

Winners: Eddie Edwards & DJ Z

This really needed another ten minutes, I felt like they were just warming up when it ended.

We see a video package of Drew Galloway in the gym, interspersed with bits of his promo on Bobby Lashley from last week.

It’s time for Eli Drake’s talk show, Fact of Life, and this week his guest is Bram. Bram knows why he’s out here, and that briefcase is dangerous…for Eli Drake. Eli isn’t looking to get inside his brain, but Bram’s wrong about him because he’s the most dangerous man in Bram’s life right now. He’s not here for a confrontation, he’s here to make a deal because he can come in anytime to pick up the scraps, so they can do this the easy way or the hard way. Either Drake can take the title when Bram is at his most vulnerable, or Bram can just hand the title over to him now. Bram says he could do that, or he could rip out Eli’s bloody throat. Eli says Bram’s as stupid as he looks, so this show’s done and he’ll see Bram soon. Eli walks off, but Bram asks him where he’s going, and says he’s walking away because he was born without testicles, and demands that Eli come back to the ring. Eli says if Bram wants him to cash in…they can do it another night. Eli walks off, but Bram goes after Eli and dumps him into the ring. He dodges a shot from the briefcase and starts unloading on him with big right hands. He goes for the implant DDT, but Drake scurries out of the ring, grabs his briefcase, and hightails it as Bram dares him to cash that briefcase in anytime he wants.

Drew Galloway and Bobby Lashley are backstage, and they’re…WALKING!

Ethan Carter III finds Mike Bennett and Maria and suggests they fight right now, but Bennett says EC3 has one more obstacle to overcome, and that’s the man who took the World Title from him: Matt Hardy. He faces Matt next week, and if he can pin Matt or make him tap out, they might be able to talk about that rematch. Matt’s looking a lot crazier than he used to, so he wishes EC3 luck with that. Okay, so basically he’s going through the entire Matt Hardy Brand to get to Bennett, got it.

With that out of the way, the lumberjacks come to ringside, and it’s…MAIN EVENT TIME!

TNA World Title/Lumberjack Match: Drew Galloway vs Bobby Lashley

They tie up, Lashley backs Galloway to the corner…and he breaks clean. Drew appeciates that and suckerpunches Lashley, then takes him off his feet with a shoulderblock. Drew knocks Lashley into next week with a big boot, but charges and gets backdropped to the apron, then speared to the floor…right into the middle of the heel lumberjacks! So of course now we go to commercial.

We’re back, and Lashley is pounding Drew’s face with hard forearm shots. Lashley goes for a vertical suplex, Drew blocks that, but Lashley gets a rolling neckbreaker instead and covers for 2. Drew keeps taking Lashley’s best shots and keeps getting back up, and finally he starts to return fire on Lashley. Lashley tries another neckbreaker, but Drew slips out and hits a northern lariat followed by another big boot. Drew with a charging forearm in the corner, then he comes off the top with a clothesline. Drew sets up for the Future Shock DDT, but Lashley counters to a double arm bridging suplex for 2. Drew with a neckbreaker for 2, but Lashley hits a Boss Man Slam for 2. Drew hits an air raid crash and sets up for the Claymore kick, but the heel lumberjacks drag Drew out to the floor and attack him to cause a DQ.

Winner by DQ: Drew Galloway

All the lumberjacks start brawling around ringside, the X Division guys hit spots for no reason, and Eli Drake lays Bram out with his briefcase. Jeff Hardy attacks Drake, but Matt Hardy comes out and attacks Jeff, then EC3 and Bennett fight, then Drew lays Lashley out to stand tall at the end of that schmozz to close the show.

Source: PWInsider

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  • cm crybaby

    Willow vs has been hardy huh¿? Please Spare me sounds very familiar to fight ones own persona. Just garbage

  • cm crybaby

    Nut Mai event sounds 1000000 times better than what wwe did.

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