TNA Impact Report – 3/29/16

We start off with a video package looking back at last week’s gauntlet match to determine a #1 contender to Drew Galloway’s TNA World Title, won by Jeff Hardy after eliminating his brother Matt.

Speaking of Matt, he kicks off tonight’s show, joined as always by his entourage of Reby Sky, Tyrus, Spud, and Dr. Joyce Brothers. He’s here to protest what happened last week, and he knows the Creatures can’t wait for Jeff to get his shot at the title, but Matt says that’s not going to happen because only he deserves a shot at that title, and he wants a rematch dammit! He’s demanding that Dixie and the other TNA officials grant him that rematch NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW! Maria Kanellis comes out and introduces the Miracle, who says that everyone needs to relax, especially Matt since he’s getting a little old for this. Nobody wants to see Jeff Hardy get a title match, but Matt being anywhere near the TNA World Title is something nobody wants to see, either, because this company needs…a Miracle. Reby tells them to leave because this is her husband’s moment, Matt is the greatest wrestler alive, and Maria (or as she calls her, Firecrotch) doesn’t know who she’s messing with. Maria says she’s the First Lady of Wrestling, and Maria asks Reby if she even knows what it means to be a Lady. Reby goes all street and says she knows what it means to put her earring in yo face, but Matt holds her back. Matt says that Mike could theoretically be his friend, but there’s a pecking order here and Bennett is way down it. Bennett says he used to have a lot of respect for Matt, but he’s old and he needs to step aside. Matt says Bennett is just as bad as EC3, but he came out here looking for a fight tonight, and if Bennett’s looking for a fight too, Matt will be more than happy to give it to him. The lights go out before they go at it, and EC3 comes out of the back with microphone in hand. He wants to pitch a new TV show idea to PopTV: after Schitt’s Creek, it’s Tyrus as Curly, Spud as Larry, and Matt Hardy as Moe, it’s EC3’s Three Bitches! He says that makes Bennett Shemp, but everyone in the crowd is a hundred years too young to get that joke, so he asks God to give Bennett a place in the afterlife after he gets done with him. Bennett says EC3 thinks he’s funny, but TNA needs him, he doesn’t need TNA, and he’s going to decide when and where he’s going to fight, and he’s not fighting EC3 tonight. EC3 says that’s up to Bennett, but he’s not leaving until he gets a fight tonight. Matt says if he wants a fight, how about EC3 vs Spud vs Tyrus vs Reby vs Matt Hardy right here tonight, and they’ll see who is a bitch then. EC3 says if Reby’s in the match, then at least there’ll be someone with some balls.

We come back from commercial, and go right into the action…

Ethan Carter III vs Tyrus, Spud, Reby Sky & Matt Hardy

EC3 and Tyrus start us off, and EC3 easily gets the advantage on Tyrus, then takes shots at everyone on the apron except for Reby. Tyrus sneaks in behind and nails EC3, then pops him over with a T-bone suplex. Tyrus continues working EC3 over and does pushups on his back, and then he and Spud continue tagging in and out on EC3 until Matt tags in and holds EC3 so Reby can slap him a few times. EC3 finally creates some space after suplexing Spud, then begins mounting a comeback against Matt. He dumps Tyrus to the floor, catches Spud when he leaps off the top rope, and press slams him until Spud gouges his eyes. Spud goes for a Twist of Fate, but EC3 counters to a Cobra Clutch, and Mike Bennett runs in and attacks EC3 from behind to cause a DQ.

Winner: Ethan Carter III by DQ

Matt and Tyrus join in on the beatdown, but Beer Money runs out to make the save. James Storm gets a microphone and says that he and Roode heard about a big fight happening out here, and Roode says they don’t need to stop the fight, he says they keep it going because the three of them are ready for a fight, and he’ll even play matchmaker and make a six man tag with EC3 and Beer Money against Matt Hardy, Tyrus, and Mike Bennett, and they’re going to do it…right after this break!

Ethan Carter III & Beer Money vs Matt Hardy, Tyrus & Mike Bennett

We’re back, and James Storm is going nuts cleaning house on the heels until Tyrus flattens him with a shot to the gut that sends the Cowboy rolling out to the floor. Tyrus follows that up with a slam on the floor, and Storm is in trouble just like that. Storm plays babyface-in-peril while Josh plugs this week’s episode of Schitt’s Creek, and then Storm bits Tyrus’ thumb to get away, then hits Closing Time on Matt, but Bennett pulls Roode and EC3 off the apron before Storm can make the tag. Storm gets away again and this time makes the hot tag, and Roode comes in and goes nuts cleaning house on Bennett and Hardy. Storm lays Bennett out with the Last Call, then Beer Money does the double suplex on Tyrus, one for Hardy, and they do BEER…MONEY! Tyrus saves Hardy from the DWI and hits Roode with a heart punch, and Matt finishes Roode with the Twist of Fate.

Winners: Matt Hardy, Tyrus & Mike Bennett

Great opening sequence, I liked the flow here.

Drew Galloway is backstage, and he’s…WARMING UP! Jeff Hardy’s also backstage, and he’s…PAINTING HIS FACE!

We look back at last week when the Dollhouse disintegrated and Jade became the #1 contender to the Knockouts Title. Jeremy Borash interviews Gail Kim, who says that Maria talked her way out of the match after Gail waited weeks to get ahold of her. Gail doesn’t know how Maria did it, but she went to TNA management and had another #1 contender match made, and she brings in Velvet Sky and Madison Rayne, who say it’s nothing personal, but they’ll face each other to determine a #1 contender.

The Bromans are backstage, and they do BOOM! while acting excited about their reunion. Eli Drake comes in and says he can’t believe Jessie’s laughing at him, but now he’s going to laugh at Jessie. He suggests that they find a hole to crawl into and then he leaves, and Jessie says that Eli gave him an idea, and they do need to go a little darker. Robbie wants to know what that means, but Jessie leaves before we can find out.

#1 Contender Match: Velvet Sky vs Madison Rayne

They go around clapping at the crowd and exchanging rollup attempts, then they trade headlocks, then more takedowns and pinfall attempts, then they start getting pissed and start trading forearm shots and chops. Madison spears Velvet and covers for 2, then gets a northern lights suplex for another 2. Velvet with a series of clotheslines, some kicks, and a running neckbreaker. Velvet with a bulldog for 2, Madison tries a charge in the corner, but Velvet moves and Madison’s shoulder goes into the ringpost. Velvet goes for In Your Face and Madison gets a jackknife rollup for the win.

Winner: Madison Rayne

And we have a(nother) #1 contender! Velvet looks pissed, but she raises Madison’s hand.

Drew Galloway is backstage saying that he remembers his brother climbing up in his grandma’s backyard to do a swanton when they were kids. Now he’s here and he’s learned that Jeff Hardy is a great guy and Matt Hardy is a son of a bitch. Jeff Hardy is one of the best, but he will win tonight.

Josh and Pope talk about tonight’s main event and talk predictions, but Pope has some things to get off his chest and he’s getting in the ring to share what’s on his mind…after this break!

We’re back from commercial, and Pope is in the ring to a pretty nice fan reaction. Yeah, they really screwed the pooch by not pushing him when he was super over when he first came into this company. Pope says he went from being a happy-go-lucky Pope to the go-get-em Pope these last few weeks, and Pope is good when he’s good, but when he’s bad, he’s better, and that’s why he’s standing in this ring: because it’s time for Pope to be the Pope we all know he can be. Bobby Lashley comes out and says that Pope isn’t a man, he’s an announcer, and he gave up his man card a long time ago, but then he stuck his nose in Lashley’s business, so he wants Pope to apologize, then he wants him to go sit behind that table and do what he’s supposed to do before he gets in the ring and hurts Pope really, really bad. Pope tells Lashley to pay attention to him because they go way back and even started in the industry together, but somewhere along the way, all of him didn;t come. If Lashley thinks for a second that he’s going to apologize, he’s wrong because he has never had regrets through his entire career. As much as Pope loves his announcer’s chair, if he went back to it right now, he’d regret that for a lifetime, so he is in the ring to be THAT Pope, the man these people have always known him to be, so he’s calling Lashley out for a fight. Lashley laughs that off and says he doesn’t even know if he wants to entertain this, and we don’t see Kurt Angle after he wanted to fight him. Lashley says to think about what he’s asking for, because if he wants to fight him, Lashley’s going to hurt him really, really bad. Lashley tells him one last time to get out of his ring before he hurts him, and Pope hesitates, so Lashley repeats himself. Pope finally tells Lashley to get out of the ring and attacks him, but Lashley quickly takes Pope down and pounds his face in. A bunch of security staff comes out to try and separate them, but it’s to no avail because Pope keeps going after Lashley, and keeps getting flattened. Lashley sets up for a spear as Pope slowly gets to his feet, but Pope sidesteps and sends Lashley crashing to the floor. Pope fights off some referees, then goes to the top rope and dive onto Lashley on the floor. Now Pope is on top of Lashley and pounding him, but Lashley fights back and security finally seems to have gotten Pope and Lashley sepa…nope, they’re fighting again. This seems like a perfect time to leave the interesting brawl and take another look back at last week’s gauntlet match, so that’s what we do.

Jeff Hardy is backstage, and he knows that Drew is bigger, stronger, and younger than he is, but David Hardy won’t need a slingshot to defeat Goliath Galloway, because he’s going to take that TNA World Title tonight.

We see a Decay-ified version of Marilyn Manson’s Nobodies video, then we go backstage where Matt Hardy is once again complaining about tonight’s main event for HIS World Title. His prediction is that whenever Matt Hardy’s involved in the equation, he always wins.

Jeremy Borash joins Josh Mathews as Eric Young and Bram come out to the ring. Young says he wants everyone to look into his eyes and know that he’s never been more serious in his entire life. He is the most dangerous man in professional wrestling, he’s the king, and he’s GOD. He had everything going for him until last week when they hit a bump in the road. He gets that it’s every man for himself, and everyone wants to be the World Champion, and everyone wants to be him, so now he’s going to sit back and watch Jeff Hardy win HIS World Title, then he’s going to take it from him: his belt, his career, and maybe even his life. He’s going to do what he wants to who he wants when he wants…wait a minute, the Bromans go BOOOOOOOM! and interrupt the promo, and they announce that they’re back. Jessie tells EY and Bram not to get crazy, they get that they’re out for blood and guts and people’s heads, but the Bromans can be crazy too, and tonight in front of everyone in the Impact Zone, they’re going to kick their ugly asses.

Eric Young & Bram vs The Bromans

EY and Bram attack the Bromans as they enter the ring, but the Bromans hit stereo Thesz Presses, double clothesline Bram to the floor, and double backdrop Young for 2. Bram distracts Robbie and Young knocks him to the floor where Bram clotheslines his head off. Bram rolls Robbie back into the ring and covers him for a few 2 counts. Robbie gets caught in the wrong part of town for a while, but he finally makes the hot tag and Jessie comes in to clean house on both opponents. Jessie with a sweet leaping clothesline in the corner on Bram, followed by a leapfrog and a dropkick, then a snap powerslam on Young for 2. Bram dumps Robbie to the floor and blindsides Jessie, but Young takes too long to nail him and Jessie moves, sending Young’s right hand right into Bram’s face. Young and Bram argue, then Robbie comes in and dumps Bram and they hit the Bro Down on Young for the win.

Winners: Bromans

I cannot believe how over the Bromans are here or how fun this reunion has been, but I’ve got to say I’ve enjoyed it so far. Bring DJ Z back into the fold, maybe?

Drew Galloway and Jeff Hardy are still backstage getting ready for their match tonight, and then we go to Grado and Mahabali Shera getting ready for Grado’s celebration. Al Snow comes in and says he’s here for both of them, and he beats up both Shera and Grado, then smashes Grado’s hand with a metal pipe. Does this mean Phil & Scott from Chicago aren’t showing up?

Gregory Shane Jim Joe Jon Bob Helms is in the ring with Trevor Lee, putting his charge over as a “technical savage”. Okay, then. Helms says his agenda is much bigger than that, and he’s invited someone out here for a public conversation, and he wants Eddie Edwards to come out here for a little talk. He tells Eddie that the Wolves are one of the greatest teams ever in his opinion, and Eddie says he appreciates that coming from a guy like him, but he came to Impact Wrestling with his brother Davey Richards, and they’ve come out here every night to prove to everyone that they’re the greatest team in the business, but injuries happen. It happened to him last year when he broke his heel and Davey carried on as a single, so now he plans to do the same. Helms says that Eddie is due a rematch for the tag title, and he understand his connection with Davey, but he wants to offer him an alternative train of thought: he’s been a tag champ a number of times with multiple partners, he’s held titles everywhere he’s been, and he’s beaten some of the greatest ever, so what if Eddie challenged himself, and the same way Helms and Trevor set the X Division on its ear, Helms and Eddie set the tag team division on its ear by beating Beer Money to become the TNA World Tag Team Champions? Helms is dead serious, and he knows it’s a lot to take in and process, and he’ll give Eddie a week to think about it, but next week, he expects Eddie to make the smart decision. Eddie and Helms shake on it, and Trevor just stares wordlessly before leaving with his master.

We see footage of Pope after his brawl earlier with Lashley, and he says he got his hands on Lashley, but not the way he wanted. He wants Lashley again next week, no referees, no security, and he may not be as big and strong as he is, but he’s bad and he’s going to prove it next week on Impact!

And with that, it’s main event time!

TNA World Title Match: Drew Galloway vs Jeff Hardy

They waste no time tying up, Drew breaks clean, and they lock up again. Hardy controls the champion with a side headlock, but Galloway shoots him to the ropes and pops him over with an overhead release suplex for 2. Drew with some heavy chops in the corner and a big vertical suplex for 2. Jeff is already in deep trouble as Drew unloads on him, but Jeff catches a flying headscissors that sends Drew tumbling out to the floor. Jeff wipes Galloway out with a slingshot dive as we go to commercial.

We’re back, and Jeff hits a Whisper In The Wind for 2, then does his inverted atomic drop/double legdrop to the nuts/sitout dropkick combo for 2. Jeff hits his version of the Twist of Fate and goes to the top rope, but he takes too long steadying himself on the top and Drew trips him and hits a superplex. Drew rolls through and covers for 2, he sets up for the Claymore Kick, and he nails it. Drew makes a cover, but Jeff gets a shoulder up at 2, so Drew puts Jeff on the top rope for a super powerslam, but Jeff reverses in midair to a tornado DDT. Jeff hits another Twist of Fate and goes back up for the Swanton, and this time he connects…but Galloway kicks out at 2. Drew rolls out to the floor to break the momentum, but Jeff comes off the apron with a second Swanton, then quickly rolls Drew back into the ring and covers for 2. Jeff goes back out to the floor and pulls the stairs out from the ring, and he rolls Drew out to the floor, smashes his face into the steps a few times, clotheslines Drew onto the steps, rolls back inside, tears the shirt off, goes up to the top rope, goes for the Swanton, and Drew gets the knees up and sends Jeff tumbling awkwardly to the floor. Drew drags himself up to his feet, rolls Jeff into the ring, and hits the Future Shock DDT for the win.

Winner: Drew Galloway

Great first title defense for Drew, and Jeff shakes his hand and leads the crowd in applauding him when Matt Hardy comes out to the ring. He says he really hoped Jeff would win tonight so he could beat him for the TNA World Title since nothing makes him happier than making Jeff’s Creatures cry. Instead, he’s left with Drew Galloway, and next week’s show is called Revenge, and he gets what he deserves: his rematch for the TNA World Title, and he can’t wait to stand over his motionless carcass and hold up his World Title. Drew has a mic too, and he says that Matt’s really good at one thing: pissing him off. He and Jeff just killed each other for the World Title, but if Matt wants his shot, he’ll do it right now. Before Matt can answer, Bram and Eric Young run in and attack Jeff Hardy, then then roll Jeff into the ring and all three of them beat Jeff and Drew, but Drew takes Bram and Young out with a pair of Claymore kicks, then Jeff hits a Twist of Fate on Matt and sends his brother retreating to the floor. Jeff says he’s coming for Matt, but first, he’s ending things with Eric Young, and wants him next week in Six Sides of Steel!

Source: PWInsider

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  • Truth

    Nobody cares because nobody watches……..

    All of 17 people watched this week…..5 on the replay.

    YEAH, the numbers went up…if this keeps up we might get enough paid audience to have a pizza party…..hooray!

    Wasn’t this taped like 6 months ago anyway……….

    tna = SO SAD!!!!!

  • TNA RULES!

    What’s so sad is that TNA ratings are going up, and the WWE’s are way down, in peak WM season. Which that drives you crazy, doesn’t it? These shows were taped 3 weeks ago, not months like NXT, ROH and LU, but it’s OK for them to do that right, but not TNA. WHAT A MORON! LOL!

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