We are live on tape from Detroit, Michigan and your announcers are Michael ‘I have a message from the General . . . is Jericho around . . . Manager’ Cole and Josh ‘I will give the same effort as the rookies’ Mathews. Your host is Matt ‘Last Comic Standing’ Striker.
Vickie interrupts Michael’s introduction and then Michael shows some love for Vickie. She says that after her rookie Kaitlyn embarrassed her last week, she brought someone to the show to make her proud. Vickie brings out the Intercontinental Champion and the person who is number one in Vickie’s heart . . . Dolph Ziggler.
We see footage from last week when Kaitlyn failed to take care of AJ to Vickie’s specifications.
Match Number One: Dolph Ziggler and Kaitlyn with Vickie Guerrero versus Primo and AJ
The men start off and lock up. Dolph with a punch to Primo but Primo with a drop kick and Dolph tags in Kaitlyn so the women enter the match. AJ with a waist lock and rollup for a near fall. AJ with a side head lock. Kaitlyn with a shoulder tackle but AJ with kicks to the head. AJ with forearms followed by a kick. AJ with a cross body for a near fall. Kaitlyn with a clothesline and Dolph tags in and he knocks Primo off the apron. Dolph stands over AJ as she gets up and then he blocks her exit from the ring. AJ with slaps to Dolph and then Primo with a double sledge from the turnbuckles followed by a cartwheel and a drop kick. Primo with punches but Dolph with an Irish whip. Primo with a clothesline out of the corner and then he takes Dolph down with a leg sweep. Primo misses a splash into the corner and Ziggler hits the Zig Zag for the three count.
Winners: Dolph Ziggler and Kaitlyn
After the match, Vickie does not like the celebration going on in the ring between Kaitlyn and Dolph.
Josh wonders why Cole is so concerned about Vickie.
It is time for a video about Maxine. She says that she is the next WWE Diva. She says that she came from a large family. She went to school for criminology and worked for the State Attorney’s Office. She also did some modeling. She says that her greatest asset is her eyes. She talks about how she enjoys salsa dancing. She says that she wants 100% control. She will do whatever it takes to get it. Power will get your further than sexiness. She says that none of the Divas want it as much as her.
We go to commercial . . . with a brand new Legendary commercial.
We are back and Matt is in the ring with AJ and Kaitlyn. He brings out the other four rookies. We see Naomi’s performances last week to give her the advantage in the battle for immunity.
Matt says that the opening night jitters have subsided so they are ready to show why they are here to become the next Diva. Matt reminds us that the rookie with the most challenge wins will get immunity. The person with the funniest and best joke will win the competition. The WWE Universe . . . Detroit Division will be the judges.
AJ goes first and she says that a blonde, brunette, and red head are running from the cops and they hide in a barn and get into potato sacks. The brunette goes ‘woof’ when the cop kicks her sack. The cop kicks the redhead’s sack and she goes ‘meow’. The cop kicks the sack with the blonde and she goes ‘potato’. Matt thanks Don Rickles for the joke and Josh comments on the era the reference came from.
Aksana is next and she say her joke very popular in Lithuania. She starts in Lithuanian but then decides to tell the joke in English. What is difference between a wife and girlfriend. About forty-five pounds.
Jamie is next and she asks for some help from the people of Detroit. Jamie has a knock knock joke. “Knock Knock . . . Who’s There . . . AJ who . . .” Jamie gets on the turnbuckles to ask the joke again and changes AJ for Aksana and her response is ‘exactly’.
Naomi is next and she says heyyyyyyyyyyyyyy to Detroit. She asks what do you call a dog with no legs. . . It don’t matter what you call it because it ain’t gonna come to you.
Maxine is next. She says that she has five jokes with her in the ring and she will pick one. She goes to AJ Lee and she calls her cute and adorable. She reminds her of a girl scout, but girl scouts don’t last in the WWE. Maxine gives her a twenty dollar bill and she asks for some Thin Mints.
We have a catfight.
Kaitlyn is the final jokester of the night. Kaitlyn says that everyone picks on AJ but now it is her turn. She asks AJ to be her joke for two seconds. ‘Knock Knock . . .Who’s There . . .KGB . . . KGB who . . .’ before we get the punch line, Kaitlyn slaps AJ and we have catfight 2: Electric Boogaloo.
The winner of the competition is Jamie.
Michael Cole has received a message from the Samurai General Manager and he hits the gong a few times. He says that all of the would-be Divas should be gonged. Cole says that Striker should be gonged. He says that everyone who bought a ticket should be gonged. He says that other than him and Josh Mathews, NXT should be gonged.
We go to commercial.
Match Number Two: Jamie with the Bella Twins versus Aksana with Goldust
They lock up and Jamie with a wrist lock into a hammer lock. Aksana with a reversal into a side head lock. Aksana with a shoulder tackle followed by a slam. Aksana misses an elbow drop but Jamie sends Aksana shoulder first into the turnbuckles. Jamie with an arm bar but Aksana gets to the ropes. Aksana pushes Jamie and Jamie pushes back. Aksana throws Jamie to the mat and she follows it with a clothesline or two. Aksana misses a charge into the corner and Jamie with a rollup.
We have a video package for Naomi. She says that she would say that she is spunky, sporty, and spontaneous. Growing up with brothers toughened her up for the WWE. She says that her style is unique from the other Divas. She has been dancing since she was 10. She says that she was a dancer with the Orlando Magic and she was one of the ‘Dunking Dancers’. She says that she has so much to show to the WWE fans. She is going to stand out by doing things that the other girls cannot do. Her message to the other divas is to bring their A games because Naomi is going to win.
We go to commercial.
We are back with the Kane/Undertaker video package that aired for the first time on Smackdown.
Michael talks about the replay on WWE.com and Josh mentions the live chat with Joey Styles. Michael Cole is amazed that Joey is still employed by WWE.
We go to ‘highlights’ from earlier tonight and the moment when Vickie got jealous of Dolph getting too close to Kaitlyn.
Vickie interrupts Dolph and Kaitlyn talking about her win. Vickie tells Kaitlyn that she needs to talk to Dolph. Vickie wants to know what the deal is. He tells Vickie that she was excited that she won. Vickie says that if Dolph pulls that again, he will lose ‘all this’ as Vickie does random hand gestures.
We see the obstacle course around the ring.
We go to commercial.
We are back and it is time for the Diva obstacle course. Kaitlyn goes first, but Vickie interrupts Kaitlyn before she starts. Vickie throws out a number of Excuse Mes. She tells Kaitlyn that since she embarrassed her last week and she used her boyfriend to win tonight, Kaitlyn needs to win the obstacle course. Vickie says that since she is the best pro, she will show Kaitlyn how to run the obstacle course with perfection. Vickie goes first. Matt comments on the amount of time that it is taking Vickie to get ready. Vickie trips after the balance beam and she screams and cries without finishing and she yells at Kaitlyn.
We go to commercial.
We are back with a Moments Ago Moment of Vickie Guerrero versus the Obstacle Course and the Obstacle Course won that battle.
It is now time for the rookies to go. Kaitlyn goes first and her time is 36.5 seconds and she adds some flair by going across the finish line on the container. Aksana is next and she give time of 37.2 seconds. The next participant is AJ and her time is 46.0 seconds. Maxine finishes in 39.1 seconds. Jamie is the next to go and her time is 36.8 seconds. The final person to challenge Kaitlyn is Naomi. Her time is an afterthought at 57.4 seconds.
Kaitlyn lives up to Vickie’s guarantee and Vickie celebrates with Kaitlyn.
Michael Cole channels Alex van Halen and hits the gong. He calls all of this ridiculous. He says that this show violates everything about his journalistic integrity. He says that he was a war correspondent and he is doing this. Cole says that he is done with this show.