TNA iMPACT Report – April 12th, 2010
Report by Stuart Carapola, PWInsider
Jeff Jarrett kicks us off by coming to the ring as we take a look back to his little skirmish last week with Sting. Jarrett says that almost ten years ago, he founded TNA and reminds us that TNA stands for Total Nonstop Action, so he’s not going to talk about kicking Sting’s ass, he is going to kick his ass right now, then drops the mic and heads to the back, up the stairs to the rafters, and starts calling out Sting. Sting tries to sneak up on Jarrett, but Jarrett nails him and sends him tumbling down the stairs. Jarrett continues beating him until Sting goes to the eyes and tries to shove Jarrett over the bannister, but now Jarrett goes to the eyes and continues fighting Sting all the way down to ground level. The fight spills out of the crowd and onto the rampway where Jarrett tears off Sting’s jacket and keeps pounding on him. They head into the ring where Jarrett hovers over Sting, but the lights go out and when they come back up, Sting has the bat and he starts pounding on Jarrett with it. Sting lays Jarrett out and is standing over him when suddenly, Jeff Hardy’s music hits and he comes running out to the ring with Rob Van Dam and Abyss as Sting bails out.
We go back to the locker room with JB, who is joined by Team Flair. Flair says what Sting just did to Jeff Jarrett is an example of what’s going to be happening here all night. Flair says that in St Louis at Lockdown, they’re going to destroy Team Hogan and Hulkamania. Robert Roode says that last week, James Storm cracked a beer bottle over RVD’s head, and after Roode gets done with Hardy tonight, he’s never going to fly again. Desmond Wolfe says that last week he took Abyss out, and just like any other animal, Abyss can be tamed, and tonight he’s going to tame him. Finally we hear from the champ, AJ Styles, who says he’s going to beat and embarass the Pope at Lockdown, and there’s two things he can do about it: nothing, and like it.
Tonight, Velvet Sky faces Angelina Love in a Leather And Lace Match, and Abyss & The Pope take on AJ Styles & Desmond Wolfe!
Team 3D comes out with Jesse Neal and says they’re supposed to face the Band tonight, but they just came out of Hogan’s office and Hogan’s as pissed about the Band as Team 3D is, so tonight’s match is going to be a Falls Count Anywhere Streetfight. We’re at commercial!
Falls Count Anywhere Streetfight: Team 3D & Jesse Neal vs Kevin Nash, Scott Hall & Sean Waltman
We come back and join the match in progress and it’s already just a mess. Brother Ray chokes Nash in the corner with a Singapore cane as Neal comes diving off the top with a bodypress on Waltman. Ray goes to work on Hall with the cane as Neal cracks a trashcan over Waltman’s head, proving that chairs aren’t the only thing they hit people in the head with in TNA. Devon with a trashcan lid to Nash as Bubba follows Hall out to the rampway with the cane and cracks it over his back. Devon chokes Nash out in the corner with his boot, and Neal slams Waltman as Ray puts the trashcan lid over Waltman’s nuts and smashes the cane into it. Does this mean no Third Night In China? Neal just goes nuts beating Waltman with the cane as Devon charges Hall in the corner with a clothesline. Ray puts a trashcan over Nash’s head and nails it with the cane, then takes a cane shot at Hall’s midsection. Ray tosses Nash to the floor and follows him out and jumps off the stairs with a trashcan shot to Nash. Now it’s 3-on-2 in the ring and Ray and Neal set Hall up for the Whazzup and Devon comes off the top and drives it home. It’s time for Devon to GET THE TABLES, and that’s exactly what they do. Ray sets it up in the ring as Neal and Devon continue beating up the Band at ringside. Ray backdrops Waltman and then lays him on the table and goes up top, but Bubba The Love Sponge comes waddling out, and he distracts Ray long enough for Waltman to hit an X-Factor off the top through the table for the win as Bubba stands there pointing and laughing at Bubba.
Winner: Kevin Nash, Scott Hall & Sean Waltman
Great match with a really crappy ending. The Band is in the ring celebrating, but Eric Young comes running out from the back with a golf club and chases the Band off. Young grabs a mic and says that he wants Nash 1-on-1 at Lockdown in the cage, and he’s going to get righteous.
We’re back, and Christy is with Hulk Hogan. She says that Team Hogan’s been getting their butts kicked for weeks, and Hogan says he’s got four main event guys on his team and at Lockdown, he’s going to see what Team Hogan is all about. Then he sees Eric Bischoff talking with Ric Flair, and he waits for him to walk away from Flair and asks him what that was all about, and says they should go to his office and talk about it. Hogan walks off and Bischoff gives a slight chuckle under his breath, then follows after Hogan.
Time to go back to the ring!
Shannon Moore vs Frankie Kazarian
They lock up aggressively to start and Kazarian takes Moore to the corner and shoves him on the break. Shannon with a go behind and a takedown, Kazarian reverses to a front facelock, and then they do a wristlock reversal sequence. Moore tries to shove Kazarian into the ropes, but Kazarian grabs the hair and takes Moore down with a side headlock. Moore gets to his feet and tries to shove Kazarian off again, but Kazarian goes to the hair again. The third time, Moore gets up and dumps Kazarian behind him, then goes back to work on the arm. They do another wristlock reversal sequence and Moore gets a flying mare and a series of armdrags before trapping Kazarian in an armbar. Wrestling? In the X Division??? Kazarian takes Moore to the corner and tries to armdrag him out, but Moore reverses with an armdrag of his own and goes back to the armbar. Kazarian takes Moore to the ropes and fires a forearm to the jaw and whips Moore into the ropes, but Moore slides between the feet and gets an inverted atomic drop and a legdrop for 2. Moore puts the boots to Kazarian in the corner, Kazarian reverses a whip across the ring but Moore comes out of the corner with a high crossbody for 2. Moore whips Kazarian into the ropes, Kazarian holds on and Moore takes a charge at him, but Kazarian drops down and Moore goes sailing to the floor. Kazarian follows him out and rams him into the apron, then rolls him back in and gets a slingshot legdrop for 2. Douglas Williams comes out to scout his opposition as Kazarian repeatedly rams Moore into the corner and gets a Northern Lights Suplex for 2. Williams joins Mike Tenay and Taz at the broadcast booth as Kazarian goes to a front facelock. Moore fights his way out and tries the crossbody out of the corner again, but Kazarian catches him this time with a knee as Moore comes down, and hits a rolling neckbreaker for 2. Kazarian goes back to the front facelock and Moore fights out again and goes for a flipply armdrag, but screws it up and they’re both down. Kazarian gets back up and charges Moore in the corner, but Moore moves and comes back with a forearm, leg lariat and dropkick to send Kazarian to the floor. Kazarian dodges a baseball slide, but Moore gets a boot to the chest and hits a second rope moonsault to the floor on Kazarian. Moore tosses Kazarian back into the ring and comes off the top with a Frankensteiner for 2, Kazarian catches Moore on a leapfrog out of the corner and gets an Electric Chair for 2, then puts Moore up top and dropkicks him, then he goes up for a back suplex off the top but Moore elbows him off and comes off the top with a corkscrew senton for 2. Moore and Kazarian with a sunset flip reversal sequence, then Moore gets a small package for 2, and Kazarian with a backslide for 2 as the time limit expires.
Time Limit Draw
Moore and Kazarian shake hands after the match, but Williams takes the mic and starts mocking them. He says that at Lockdown, he’s going to put an end to their nonsense once and for all. This was a really good match that caught me completely off guard with the psychology and the way they built to doing the big moves at the end instead of going crazy the second the bell rang.
We go to the back with JB and Velvet Sky, where he brings us up to speed on the background for this match. Velvet Sky says that tonight’s match will not be for the Knockouts Title because that title will be on the line at Lockdown when the Beautiful People take on Angelina and Tara with both Knockouts Titles on the line. Velvet says tonight it’s time to prove to TNA who the real beauty is.
We come back from commercial, and Hogan says he doesn’t get Bischoff. He told him to stay away from Jarrett, but he didn’t. He asked him to leave Lethal alone, but instead he fed him to the wolves. He said he’s out here buddying up with Flair, and he wants to know what’s up. Bischoff says Hogan can’t get on his case for being himself, Hogan can do things his way and Bischoff does them his, and he says that Team Hogan is getting their ass kicked, and since Hogan taught him to keep his friends close and his enemies closer, he’s trying to get Flair’s confidence to help Team Hogan at Lockdown, and if he knows Bischoff he knows he can believe that. Bischoff leaves and Hogan looks consternated, but then Jay Lethal comes in and says that they should pull the cord on this band and suggests reforming the Megapowers. Hogan says they can get it together after Lockdown if Lethal can find Hogan’s banana hammock and they do the Megapowers handshake. Lethal leaves and Hogan sits back in his chair, exasperated.
We go to JB with Angelina Love, and Angelina says that being a wrestler, she would have chosen a wrestling match, but this is just a big joke, and she came to TNA to bring women’s wrestling to a whole new level and prove she’s the best. Tara crashes the party and asks Angelina if she wanted to prove she’s the best by winning the Knockouts Title out of a box. JB reminds them that they’ll have to co-exist at Lockdown, and Angelina repeats Bischoff’s line about keeping your friends close and your enemies closer, and they get up in each other’s face as we go to commercial.
Christy is backstage with the Pope and Abyss, and Pope says that Lockdown’s going to be Pope’s defining moment in his career. Come Lockdown, it’s put up or shut up time for AJ Styles. Abyss says tonight, he and Pope have AJ and Desmond right where they want him, and tells Desmond that it’s going to take a lot more than a fire extinguisher to put Abyss out, and he tells Hulk Hogan that he gives him his word: he’s not going to let him down.
Time to head back to the ring for our next match…
Leather And Lace Challenge: Angelina Love vs Velvet Sky
Velvet informs us before the match that this is not going to be a Leather And Lace Match since the crowd doesn’t deserve to see her goodies. Instead, we’re going to see Angelina handcuffed in the ring while Velvet whoops her ass. The referee handcuffs Angelina as we go to commercial.
We’re back from commercial, and finally Velvet starts making her way to the ring for the match. Velvet looks H-O-T in that outfit. Angelina catches her doing the “beinding over seductively on her way into the ring” entrance and starts kicking away at her, but Velvet uses her title belt to knock Angelina out, then takes the mic and tells Angelina that she forgot one stipulation: this is also an I Quit Match. Velvet commences to pounding the snot out of Angelina and starts choking her, then grabs the mic and tells Angelina to quit, and Angelina exclaims “NO!” Velvet goes back to work in vicious fashion, ramming her unprotected face into the mat and whipping her with her riding crop before choking her some more. Velvet takes the mic and again asks Angelina if she wants to quit, but Angelina’s not giving up the ghost yet. Velvet rams her headfirst into the top turnbuckle and takes the mic yet again, and says that maybe if she strips Angelina naked she’ll quit, then rips Angelina’s shirt off and tells her again to quit, and Angelina says “I said no, you bitch!” Velvet continues putting the boots to her and the other Beautiful People run in to make it a 3-on-1, but now Tara comes running out and chases the Beautiful People off. She goes to check on Angelina and unlocks the handcuffs as the Beautiful People head to the back. Tara and Angelina have an uncomfortable staredown and Angelina extends her hand to Tara, but Tara just walks off. I guess we’ll call this…
We go to Christy out in the parking lot, who is on site as Abyss is laying face down in the parking lot. Christy says that something happened with a car that sped off, and she’ll fill us in when she finds out more, and then goes running over to check on Abyss as we go to commercial.
We come back from commercial and we’re still out in the parking lot, and as we see Hogan crouching over Abyss with a look of concern on his face, Christy says we’ve comfirmed that Abyss was hit by a car tonight.
We go to JB with Matt Morgan, who says Morgan must find a new tag team partner for his title defense tonight. Morgan says “we” don’t need a partner, but TNA says that they’ve forced “us” to find a new tag team partner, and since he likes to play by the rules, “they’d” like to introduce “their” new partner…Amazing Red. He says that Red is the best pound-for-pound wrestler in the world, and they complement each other perfectly, and he tells Red to go out there and do all his flippy stuff on the Motor City Machine Guns and get them ready for the Carbon Footprint. And with that, we’re back to the ring for…
World Tag Team Title Match: Matt Morgan & Amazing Red vs Motor City Machine Guns
We get another recap of the Morgan/Hernandez Carbon Footprint Of Doom from a few weeks ago. Morgan comes to the ring with both belts slung over his shoulders. Mike explains that the MCMGs originally won the #1 contendership at Destination X, and they actually were putting that spot on the line against Team 3D last week, so since Team 3D didn’t beat them, they were still #1 contenders. A wrestling company explaining their storyline gaps? What is this world coming to? Anyway, Morgan toys with the MCMGs to start, and just tosses both of them around and pitches them both to the floor as we go to commercial.
We come back from commercial and Sabin and Red are doing a fast paced exchange that ends with Red hitting a spinning headscissors on Sabin to send him to the floor. Shelley comes in to nail Red but Red with a spinning kick and a dropkick in the corner on SHelley. Shelley makes a blind tag to Sabin and Red misses something and goes to the floor, and Sabin goes to the apron and hits a running boot to Red’s face that sends Red down hard. Sabin tosses Red back in the ring and covers for 2. Sabin goes for a vertical suplex, Red escapes and goes for a springboard move, but Sabin catches him and the MCMGs hit some double team move I can’t identify, but BS around with the ref long enough for Morgan to drag Red to the corner and tag himself in. Morgan goes to work with the elbows in the corner on Sabin, boots Shelley in the chest, and pitches Sabin face first onto the top turnbuckle, then whips him across the ring into Shelley. Morgan misses a charge and the MCMG start the double teams, but Morgan catches Shelley coming off the top, and Sabin dropkicks Morgan and both men cover but Morgan kicks out from under both men at 2. Morgan begs off to the corner and tags Red in, and the MCMGs do the assisted dropkick to send Morgan off the apron and go to work on Red, but Morgan comes in and kills Shelley with a clothesline, and he gets ready to go for a suplex on Sabin, but Red hits the Code Red out of nowhere and pins Shelley.
Winners: Matt Morgan & Amazing Red
Morgan doesn’t appreciate having his thunder stolen and beats Red up, then goes for the ringpost Carbon Footprint, but the MCMGs yank Red out of the way before the damage can be done.
We go back out to the parking lot again where they’re getting ready to load Abyss into an ambulance, then says that we have video surveillance footage of what happened, and we’re not going to believe what we see when we watch it…after this commercial!
We’re back and Abyss is in the ambulance, but now it’s time to watch the surveillance video, and after doing some enhancement of the footage, we see what appears to be Ric Flair running Abyss down with his car. Now that’s unbecoming of such a paragon of virtue that we all know Ric Flair to be. Well, whatever. Let’s go back to the ring ofr another match.
Robert Roode vs Jeff Hardy
We quickly recap the postmatch antics after last week’s RVD-Storm match before this bout begins. Roode takes Hardy to the corner to start the match and shoves Hardy on the break, so Jeff slaps him. Roode goes to a side headlock, Hardy sends him into the ropes, and Roode drops him with a shoulderblock. Roode off the ropes again and Hardy catches him with a hiptoss. Hardy with another slap to the face and an armdrag into an armbar. Roode uses the hair and whips Hardy into the ropes, but Hardy takes him down with a shoulderblock. Roode goes for a dropkick but Hardy holds the ropes and Rodoe goes down, so Hardy with the crotch legdrop for 2. Hardy goes for the Twist Of Fate so Roode bails to the floor, then drags Jefff out and rams him into the apron and then the steps. Roode tosses Hardy back in the ring and puts the boots to him, then slams Hardy and comes off the second rope with a kneedrop for 2. Roode with another kneedrop and we HIT THE CHINLOCK! Hardy elbows out and hits a chinbreaker and a reverse spinkick and both men are down. Roode makes it up first and takes a shot at Hardy, but Hardy fires back and they go toe to toe until Hardy nails Roode with a series of lariats and then a gourdbuster. Roode reverses a corner whip but Hardy comes out of the corner with the Whisper In The Wind for 2. Hardy goes for the Twist Of Fate, but Roode sends him into the ropes and hits a spinebuster for 2. Roode goes for a vertical suplex but Hardy reverses out and hits a Stunner, then goes up top for the Santon, but Storm comes out and distracts Hardy long enough for Roode to go up top and nail Hardy, but Hardy fights back and knocks him off the top and hits the Swanton for the win.
Winner: Jeff Hardy
James Storm attacks Hardy after the match and takes a swig of his beer, then blows a fireball at Hardy! Guess that wasn’t beer in that bottle. Finally RVD comes out and goes after Storm, but Roode runs in and they beat RVD down 2-on-1 as we go to commercial.
We’re back, and it’s time to run down the Lockdown card and then we get a video package building to the Kurt Angle-Ken Anderson match this Sunday.
From there, we go to JB with Pope, who says that tonight he has a job to do, and his prayers are with Abyss, but he’s about to walk out to…and suddenly he’s interrupted by Jay Lethal, who calls him Reverend Slick, and says that if Pope takes care of the Model, he’ll take care of Dynamite Kid. Lethal says this one’s for Hogan, then wanders off. Pope smirks and follows him out as we go to commercial.
We’re back from commercial, and guess who’s at ringside? That’s right, it’s Dog the Bounty Hunter and his nasty ass wife! I would have much preferred Survivorman who, by the way, is 10000% manlier than that punk Bear Grylls from Man vs Wild because Les Stroud doesn’t need a camera crew tagging along like Bear does. That’s right Bear, you’re a punk and you wish you were half the man Les Stroud is.
D’Angelo Dinero & Jay Lethal vs AJ Styles & Desmond Wolfe
Uh oh, Beer Money is beating Jay Lethal up backstage, so it looks like he’s not going to make it out for the main event. Guess Pope’s going it alone. AJ gets the mic on the way to the ring, and says it looks like Pope’s partner has a bit of a drinking problem courtesy of Beer Money, so it looks like it’s a handicap match here tonight. Desmond Wolfe comes out to make his way to the ring, but Hulk Hogan lays him out from behind, so it looks like we’re getting Pope vs AJ 1-on-1 now.
AJ Styles vs D’Angelo Dinero
Pope beats AJ up all around ringside then tosses him back in the ring. Pope goes for a fireman’s carry, but AJ escapes and hits an enziguiri, then starts putting the boots to Pope. Pope comes back with some quick punches, but Flair gets out of the wheelchair and attacks Pope and the ref calls for the bell.
Winner: D’Angelo Dinero by DQ
Flair and AJ put the boots to Pope, and Beer Money come out to make it 4-on-1. Flair takes his belt off and whips Pope with it, then AJ tosses Pope hard over the top to the floor. Hulk Hogan makes his way back out and stands at the top of the ramp and stares down Flair as we go off the air.
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