TNA iMPACT Results – April 5th, 2010
TNA iMPACT Report – April 5th, 2010
Report by Stuart Carapola, PWInsider
We go backstage to Christy Hemme, who details the rules for a TNA Knockouts Lock Box Showdown tonight. Christy is joined by the Beautiful People, who say that they plan on getting three of the four boxes and winning the TNA Knockouts Title. Lacey comes out in a towel and says that tonight will be a night nobody will forget, because they’re going to see Lacey parading around in her bra and panties. I guess we shouldn’t be surprised that she considers that more important than the Knockouts Title.
Hulk Hogan comes out to the ring with Abyss and Jeff Jarrett to kick off the festivities. Hogan says we’ve got some horsepower behind Team Hogan, and Ric Flair has shown his colors over and over, but if he wants to be the big dog and run with the big dogs, he needs to take on Team Hogan because he can’t be a big dog unless he beats Team Hogan. Abyss says Flair may be a legend, but he has never dealt with the likes of Abyss, and at Lockdown, when they’re locked in the cage, only then will he realize the definition of pain and suffering. It makes no difference who the other members of Team Flair are, because Team Hogan is going to kick their ass. This brings out Ric Flair, being wheeled out of the back by Chelsea, and joined by Desmond Wolfe, Sting, and Beer Money Inc. Flair says if that’s Hogan’s team, then look at Flair’s team. He says there’s more history between Flair and Sting than there is in the entire wrestling world. Flair says there’s one more thing: he’s got his Hall Of Fame ring on because he is the Hall Of Fame, and in St Louis, he’s going to shove that ring down his throat. Hogan tells him to shut up, he sees what Flair’s got on stage and he feels the power of Team Hogan, but tells Flair not to ever sell him short, because he’s got a full team and he’s going to find out who that team is when the time is right. Flair says everyone wants to be with the Nature Boy, and if he’s got a problem they’ll come down right now and see what Hogan’s team is all about. Team Flair slowly approaches the ring, but Jarrett tells everyone to hold on because he wants to ask Sting to step in the ring without the bat and answer one question. Sting hands the bat to Wolfe and comes in to face Jarrett. Jarrett says he and Sting have known each other for over 20 years and have a storied history, so he has just one question for Steve: why now? Why now has the dark side come out of him? Yeah, because it’s not like they haven’t tried turning Sting heel 20 times since he’s been in TNA. Sting says nothing, so Jarrett says he may not deserve an answer, but the people in the Impact Zone deserve an answer, and he again asks why now? Sting doesn’t respond, so Jarrett slaps him, and Sting drops Jarrett with the Scorpion Deathdrop while Hogan and Sting just stand there. Wolfe comes in and lays Abyss out with the bat and then he and Beer Money stare down Hogan, and all of a sudden Rob Van Dam and Jeff Hardy come out of the crowd to brawl with Team Flair. Wolfe is left alone in the ring with all four men and gets beat up to end the segment as we go to commercial.
We come back from commercial and we’re joining a match in progress…
Rob Van Dam vs James Storm
Van Dam gets a monkey flip for 2, then backdrops Storm to the apron and catches him with a springboard jumpkick to send Storm to the floor. Van Dam goes for a baseball slide, but Storm catches the legs and swings him into the guardrail. Storm goes back in the ring and hits a second rope DDT for 2. Storm with a vertical suplex and wastes a bunch of time before covering for 2 and then we HIT THE CHINLOCK! RVD fights his way out and gets a schoolboy rollup for 2, then a spinkick to the jaw. They go toe to toe until RVD hits another spinkick to the jaw. RVD with a clothesline and Rolling Thunder for 2. Storm catches RVD with an enziguiri and the Eye Of The Storm for 2. RVD blocks a ram into the corner and kicks Storm, slams him in the corner, and hits the split legged moonsault for the win.
Winner: Rob Van Dam
Storm comes from behind after the match and hits RVD in the head with the beer bottle and then, as security tries to help RVD, Storm attacks him again. Security finally drags him away and we go to commercial.
We’re back with a replay of the beer bottle attack from before the break, and then we see Storm mocking RVD from the ramp, when suddenly Jeff Hardy runs out and attacks Storm from behind before going to check on RVD, but now Robert Roode comes out and attacks Hardy from behind and gives him a spinebuster.
We go backstage to Tara, Angelina Love, Hamada, and . Tara says tonight’s competition is a joke, and they’re using her to get ratings. She’s going out there to do her best and pin someone. Angelina says that sometimes life is a bitch, but with the Knockouts Title on the line she’s going to go out there and win. ODB says there’s a lot of PMS going on, and she’s going out there to win the contract to wrestle anyone because she wants AJ. Hamada says something in Japanese, and we go back to the ring.
Global Title Match: Rob Terry vs Homicide
Holy crap, Homicide still works here! Rob Terry’s new nickname is “The Freak”. Homicide jumps Terry before the bell, but Terry clotheslines him down, goozles him up to the top rope, and chokeslams him off the top. Terry misses a charge and Homicide lays in some more shots, but goes for a monkey flip and Terry just shoves him off. Terry press slams Homicide, Beels him across the ring, then hits a shoulderblock and goes for a powerslam, but Homicide slips out the back and gets some shots in. Terry eats boot on a charge, but catches Homicide out of a bodypress and hits a powerslam for the win.
Winner: Rob Terry
Homicide attacks Terry from behind with a chair after the match, but Homicide no sells, so Homicide cracks the chair over Terry’s head, but Terry no sells that also and chokeslams Homicide as blood starts to run down his forehead. Then the lights go out and Orlando Jordan comes out, pours some kind of cream down his face and chest, and we go to commercial.
We’re back, and it’s time for the Knockouts Lock Box Challenge!
Knockouts Lock Box Challenge: Tara, Angelina Love, ODB & Hamada vs The Beautiful People & Daffney
Angelina starts with Madison Rayne, then tags out to Tara. Rayne kicks Tara down, then humps her head into the mat. Rayne goes up top, but Tara comes out with the Widow’s Peak and eliminates Rayne. Tara wins the first key and we’re down to 3-on-3 as we go to commercial.
We’re back, and during the commercial, Daffney pinned Hamada to earn a key, so we’re down to 2-on-2. Velvet Sky has a chinlock on ODb but ODB fights out and splashes Velvet in the corner. ODB with a fallaway slam on Sky, but only gets 2. Sky slips out of a fireman’s carry and gets a DDT to pin ODB and win a kep, and we’re down to Lacey and Angelina. Angelina with a flying clothesline and then pounds on Lacey. Angelina whips Lacey into the corner, but Lacey gets her boot up on a charge and goes for a moonsault elbow and drops the elbow even though Angelina moved like five seconds earlier. Angelina with a Flatliner on Lacey for the win.
Winners: Tara, Daffney, Velvet Sky, Angelina Love
As a reminder, each key unlocks one locked box which contain Tara’s tarantula, the TNA Knockouts Title, an open contract for a match with anyone, and a contract to have to do a striptease. Now back to the ring for our next match…after a commercial!
Ladder Match: Ken Anderson vs Kurt Angle
We’re back from break, and the match is already in progress as Anderson hits a Finlay Roll on Angle. Anderson goes and gets the ladder and brings it in the ring. Anderson suplexes Angle onto the ladder, then sets the ladder up in the corner but Angle now suplexes Anderson into the ladder. Angle takes the ladder out and sets it up in the middle of the ring then goes back to pounding on Anderson, but Anderson whips Angle into the ropes and then rams the ladder into him coming back. Anderson sets up the ladder and goes up top to grab the key, but Angle hits an Angle Slam off the ladder. Angle kicks Anderson out of the ring and slowly climbs back up the ladder, but Anderson comes in and shoves him over the top and Angle takes a really nasty bump to the floor after getting caught on the top rope. Angle’s okay though, and Anderson sets up the ladder and goes up, but Angle goes up top and dropkicks the ladder over. Angle with a German Suplex on Anderson, then lays the ladder down, puts Anderson on top of the ladder, goes up top and hits a moonsault onto Anderson on the ladder. Angle fires Anderson into the ringpost, then sets up the ladder and climbs back up, but Anderson grabs Angle’s warrior medal and uses it to choke Angle from behind. Angle keeps fighting though, and climbs up to grab the key, but finally he loses consciousness and Anderson goes up and grabs the key.
Winner: Ken Anderson
Anderson gets on the mic after the match saying that he has a bottle of bubbly waiting for him backstage to celebrate not his victory tonight, but his victory at Lockdown, which he just secured, and the only person he’s going to be partying with tonight is Mr Anderson…Anderson.
We go backstage to JB with Hulk Hogan, and JB says that Eric Bischoff went into business for himself last week, and is wondering if Hogan has any comment on the situation. Hogan says he’s not happy about everything Eric’s done since being in TNA, but it stays between them and he’s not going to talk about it in public. Bubba the Love Sponge comes in and Hogan tells him he’s making a choice to run with the wrong crowd (meaning the Band), and Bubba says he’s having a better time than he was with Hogan, so Hogan tells him to have a good time and Bubba says he will and leaves. Jay Lethal comes in and says he has Hogan’s back and he’s going to find the Megapowers tights.
The Band is just arriving at the Impact Zone, and we’re off to commercial!
We’re back, and Christy Hemme is backstage with Matt Morgan, who says he’s now THE tag team champions. He almost lost the title because of Hernandez, but because of an unfortunate accident a couple of weeks ago, Hernandez is out of action. Morgan says you’re looking at the TNA Tag Team Champions: Matt Morgan. Hemme says next week, he’s going to have to defend the TNA World Tag Team Title against the winner of the next match.
Motor City Machine Guns vs Team 3D
Sabin and Bubba do a wristlock sequence to start, but Sabin with a series of kicks to Bubba and Bubba responds with a boot to the face. Sabin ducks another boot and hits a springboard bodypress for 1. Tag to Shelley and the Guns get a double team kick to Bubba, but that just made Bubba mad because he smacks Shelley in the face and tags in Devon, who lays Shelley out and hits a diving headbutt. Devon with a bearhug, then drops Shelley with a headbutt. Shelley nails Devon on a backdrop attempt and tags in Sabin, who comes in and cleans house. Sabin off the top with a double dropkick to 3D, and Bubba accidentally nails Devon when Sabin ducks a clothesline. Guns with a sandwich enziguiri and Guns with a double team neckbreaker for 2. Bubba clotheslines both Guns from behind and 3D with the Whazzup, and it’s time to get the tables…but wait, the Band comes out and attacks 3D, and the referee calls for the bell. The Band tosses Bubba into the ring with the Guns and they lay everyone out as we go to commercial. Let’s call it…
We come back and it’s time to hear from the Band. Bubba The Love Sponge comes out to join the Band in the ring. Nash says he’s got a message: they might not be signing the checks, but they are running the show. He says Hogan’s worried about Flair and Bischoff, but that’s the least of his worries, because he’s looking at his worst nightmare. They’ve been carrying Hogan for 15 years, but now they’re the show and people may not like them, but Nash has three guys in the ring who like him. The Wolfpac music hits.
We go back to JB with the Pope, who is going to attempt to avenge his loss one week ago to Desmond Wolfe. Pope says he’s going to make history when he wins the TNA World Title, but even though Wolfe got one over on Pope, tonight’s going to be a different story. Desmond Wolfe interrupts and says where he’s from, people don’t get second chances. He thinks he should get the title shot at AJ at Lockdown. Pope says that if Desmond beats him tonight, he can have the title shot at Lockdown.
Tara is backstage, and she’s…STRESSING! We’re going to commercial.
Doug Williams comes to the ring and takes the mic from Dave Penzer. He wants to make the point that the days of the acrobats and trapeze artists stinking up the X Division are over, and they need to go back to the circus with the performing monkeys. You tell ’em, Doug! There is an alternative: they can go back to wrestling school and learn how to wrestle. Doug thinks of himself as the master, and because of that would like to be referred to henceforth by his full name Douglas Williams. He’s arranged a gauntlet match tonight with himself and Generation Me, and we’re going to go right to that match now.
Gauntlet Match: Doug Williams vs Generation Me
Williams starts with Jeremy, and Williams gets a single leg takedown and catapults Jeremy into the corner, but Jermy springboard out onto Williams for 2. Jeremy with a facebuster for 2 and then a high kick to the face for 2, but Williams gets the Chaos Theory to eliminate Jeremy. Now it’s Max’s turn, and he dives in with a crossbody for 2, then a dropkick for another 2. Max whips Williams into the corner and follows in with an elbow, then a slam and a legdrop gets 2. Max goes up top but Williams knocks him off and gets a guillotine choke and Max taps.
Winner: Douglas Williams
Williams won’t break the choke, so Shannon Moore runs out and chases Williams off. Moore says there’s no place in the X Division for boring wrestlers like Williams, then challenges Williams to put the X Division Title on the line at Lockdown.
Christy is backstage with Team 3D looking for comments, and Team 3D says there’s no reason for the attack they suffered from the Band. Team 3D says their paths have never crossed, but next week they will because they want the Band in the ring.
Desmond Wolfe vs D’Angelo Dinero
Wolfe goes after Pope on the rampway, but Pope fights him off and tosses him back in the ring. Wolfe nails Pope coming back in and gets a flying hammerlock. Wolfe puts Pope up top and goes for the Tower of London, but Pope fights his way out. Pope ducks a lariat and fires away with some quick punches, then hits his version of the Codebreaker for the win. That was quick.
Winner: The Pope
Pope is celebrating on the rampway after the match and AJ Styles comes out and attacks him, then tosses him back in the ring and hits the Styles Clash, then gets in his face and starts shouting at him. Abyss’ music hits and out comes the big man, and AJ backs off, but Wolfe attacks Abyss from behind and while he’s got Abyss’ attention, AJ comes back in and clips Abyss’ knee from behind. Wolfe has a fire extinguisher and nails Abyss with it as we go back to commercial.
We’re back, and it’s time to reveal the contents of the Lock Boxes! I can’t believe this is in our main event segment. Velvet opens hers first, and she gets…the open contract! Tara’s up second, and her prize is…her tarantula! But unfortunately, this means she’s no longer the Knockouts Champion. And it comes down to Angelina and Daffney. They open their boxes at the same time, and our new Knockouts Champion is…Angelina Love! So now Daffney has to go to the ring and strip, and if she doesn’t she’ll be fired on the spot. Surely this violates some kind of sexual harassment law. Daffney makes her way to the ring and looks none too happy, but she must have picked something up during her time with the YRR. Daffney proceeds to do the worst, least enthusiastic striptease I’ve ever seen, and with horrible music at that, but out comes Lacey Von Erich, who lays Daffney out with the ugly stick, then she starts stripping as Tara and Angelina start fighting up on the rampway over the Knockouts Title. They start fighting into the ring and brawl on the mat right in front of Lacey…who keeps on stripping. Velvet Sky takes the mic and says that Lacey’s turned up the heat, but rule #1 of the Beautiful People Club is that no Beautiful Person shall upstage another Beautiful Person, so Velvet’s going to cash in her open contract next week against Angelina in a Leather and Lace match. Angelina makes mad faces at her as we go off the air.