TNA iMPACT Results – March 22nd, 2010

TNA iMPACT Report – March 22nd, 2010
Report by Stuart Carapola, PWInsider

The show opens with Eric Bischoff playing guitar in the middle of the ring. Did I turn on TNA Unplugged by mistake? Some fan behind Eric pops my by holding up a lighter. Eric thanks the crowd and says that there’s a lot of things the crowd doesn’t know about him, one of which is that he’s a classically trained musician. He says that like a lot of musicians, he gets annoyed that Jeff Jarrett uses his guitar as a weapon and a gimmick, and doesn’t think Jeff can even play the guitar. He calls Jarrett out to the ring to see whether he can play the guitar or not. Jeff comes out to the top of the ramp as I contemplate the possibility of a Van Hammer run in, then makes his way into the ring. Eric says he wasn’t sure Jeff would have the guts to come in the ring with him, then begs Jeff to take the guitar and play us a tune. Jarrett doesn’t, so Eric says he knew he didn’t have the guts, and he sees the anger in Jarrett’s eyes. Eric says Jarrett can’t play the guitar and can’t dance, then asks him to sing us a tune. Jarrett says that if Bischoff thinks he’s going to humiliate him, he’s got another thing coming. Eric says that Jarrett may want to knock him out, but doesn’t have the guts. Jarrett turns away and Eric tells him not to turn his back on him, then dares him to take a shot. Jarrett grabs the guitar and holds it up like he’s going to nail Bischoff and the crowd is cheering Jarrett and Jarrett’s going to hit him…but he hesitates…and he lowers the guitar and shakes his head. Crowd wasn’t happy about that one. Jarrett drops the guitar and leaves the ring as Eric says he knew Jeff Jarrett didn’t have the guts, and the best thing he can do is go home and tell his little girls that he didn’t have the stones to come out and be a man and that’s why Jarrett isn’t running the company anymore and Eric is. That’s the straw that broke the camel’s back for Jarrett, who powerwalks back into the ring, grabs the guitar, and lays Bischoff out with it, knocking Bischoff’s hat off and exposing his new hairdo in the process. Jarrett stops to admire his handiwork for a moment then heads for the back.

We go backstage to Mick Foley, who applauds Jarrett and gives him a big hug. Jarrett asks Foley if he has any idea how good that felt and Foley said he does indeed.

We’re back from commercial with replays of Jeff Jarrett cracking Eric Bischoff over the head with the guitar, and then we go to Eric who is just now coming to. He grabs his hat and puts it back on, then grabs the mic and says that Jeff Jarrett has crossed the line and so has Mick Foley, and he could fire both of them for the cost of a FedEx. Haha. Eric says he’s going to make it fun for him though, and tonight Jeff Jarrett will face Mick Foley, and he doesn’t give a damn who wins or loses, because the loser is fired from TNA and the winner will be his bitch.

We go backstage to Mick and Jeff, who are quite unhappy with Bischoff’s decree. Jeff says it’s all his fault and Mick says that’s not true, but this is a fight that neither of them can win.

We go to Mike and Taz, who discuss the match Eric Bischoff just made, and then we’re off to the ring for our first match of the evening!

TNA Knockout Tag Team Champions The Beautiful People & Daffney vs TNA Knockout Champion Tara, Angelina Love, Taylor Wilde & Sarita

Recapping shows live becomes a breeze when people like the Beautiful People have 20 minute ring entrances we’ve all seen a million times. The Beautiful People are wearing their “love me for my mind” outfits. Tara doesn’t even wait for her entrance before running down to the ring. I’m sure that breaks some unwritten rule of wrestling. She begs Daffney not to hurt her spider, leading to a 4-on-1 beatdown on Tara. Here comes Sarita, Taylor Wilde, and Angelina Love…and we’re at commercial!

We come back to Angelina hitting a Thesz Press on Madison and tagging in Taylor, who comes off the top with a double axhandle and an atomic drop. Madison runs and tags in Velvet Sky, and Taylor with a neckbreaker for 2. Taylor goes to work on the arm and tags in Sarita, but Velvet with a snapmare and an indy kick to the back and then TAGS IN LACEY!! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Lacey manages a leapfrog, screws up selling a dropkick, and tags out to Madison. Madison gets nailed and Tara tags in with a somersault legdrop from the outside for 2. Daffney nails Tara from the outside and the heels all grab Tara and give her a parachute slam for 2. Daffney tags in and stands over Tara with the spider, but Tara grabs her by the throat and squeezes, but Daffney tags out to Velvet who comes in and stomps on Tara. Tara fights back but Madison comes in and nails Tara and Daffney tags back in again and they go for a triple team and a pier six breaks out. We’re left with Angelina and Daffney in the ring and Angelina lays her out with a Flatliner. Velvet comes in and nails her from behind and hits a DDT…then poses. Taylor comes in and catches Velvet with a Northern Lights Suplex, but she’s not the legal girl! Madison nails Taylor, but Sarita catches Madison and hits a Tiger Driver and Lacey comes in with a chokeslam on Sarita, but Tara with a boot to the gut and a Widow’s Peak on Lacey, but instead of going for the cover she goes to grab the spider, and Daffney nails her from behind and gets a spinning Fishergirl’s Suplex for the win.

Winners: The Beautiful People & Daffney

Daffney stands over Tara with the spider and taunts her then walks off.

Meanwhile, AJ Styles hobbles out of an ambulance with a crutch and his arm in a sling while Ric Flair gets lowered out the back in a wheelchair, raving the whole time.

Later tonight: Jeff Jarrett faces Mick Foley in a career ending match, and up next, Hulk Hogan has a major announcement about Lockdown. We’re at commercial!

We come back with a video package recapping Destination X, complete with the screwjob non-finish in last night’s main event.

Hulk Hogan comes to the ring with Abyss in tow, and you know something brothers, the Abyssamaniacs have this TNA on fire, brother! Hogan cuts to the chase and says that it got personal out here with himself and Ric Flair, but Eric Bischoff was right…he pauses for a Hogan chant and puts the crowd over…he says that Eric was right that Flair knew how to push every button on Hogan’s back, and while they were laying out there in each other’s blood, it was personal, and it seems that Eric has learned earlier tonight that the personal thing doesn’t work. He promises that he’s going to get this company back on track and announces that at Lockdown, it’ll be Team Hogan, led by Abyss, taking on Team Flair, and with Abyss leading the pack, it’ll be Flair’s last hurrah. Abyss gets the mic and says he hopes that Flair and Styles stayed at the hotel because it’ll be a lot healthier than showing up here. Abyss says the ring gave him a feeling of power rushing through his body last night when he picked up AJ Styles and chokeslammed him through the ring. IT was then that he realized he’s not just Abyss, he’s the 6’8″, 350 pound pissed off monster Abyss. He may not have won the title last night, but he won respect, and it’s a new day here in TNA and at Lockdown, he’s going to take care of business in the Lethal Lockdown. He’s coming for Flair and AJ, and when he does they won’t need wheelchairs and crutches, they’ll need a mortician, and whatcha gonna do when Abyssamania runs wild on you!

Uh oh, here comes The Man and The Old Man. Flair is convulsing in his chair for some reason. Maybe he just saw his latest tax return. Flair says that he is a cage match specialist and Abyss may have tried to kill he and AJ, but he failed because they’re not immortals, they’re wrestling gods. AJ says he had Abyss beaten last night until Hogan came and screwed it all up, and Abyss tried to cripple him. Flair says one last thing: to assure victory for Team Flair, the team captain is Sting! Of course it wouldn’t be the damn WORLD CHAMPION. Why would you make him the team captain? The lights go down and when they come back up, Hogan is handcuffed to the ropes and Sting is sitting on the top turnbuckle as Styles breaks the crutch on Abyss. Styles puts the boots to Abyss as Hogan looks on helplessly, but here’s D’Angelo Dinero to the rescue! He goes after AJ and the three of them team up to put a hurting on the champ. Pope with the Shotgun Knees to the back of AJ, and then he unlocks Hogan from the handcuffs. The babyfaces celebrate in the ring and then Hogan goes after Flair as Flair frantically…and slowly…tries to wheel away. Hogan catches up to him, grabs the wheelchair, rolls him up to the top of the ramp, then turns him around and pushes him into Abyss, who takes Flair’s head off with a clothesline. Pope pulls out a greenback and stuffs it in Flair’s mouth and the babyfaces stand tall as we go to commercial.

Backstage, Jeff Hardy, Rob Van Dam, and Shannon Moore are arriving at the Impact Zone, and then we go back to the ring for…

TNA Global Title Match: Rob Terry vs Tomko

Tomko goes right after Terry and tries to overpower him, but Terry kills Tomko with a clothesline then lifts him up and tosses him into the corner then follows that up with a lariat in the corner. Tomko gets the boot up on a corner charge, but Terry powers him up and gets a front powerslam then nails Tomko with a spinkick to the jaw. Terry with a big spinebuster and covers him for the win. Impressive, but I have a feeling that the talent level has something to do with these short squashes.

Winner: Rob Terry

We go to Mike and Taz as they discuss the Bischoff-Jarrett-Foley situation.

Mick Foley is backstage, and he’s…WALKING! Jeff Jarrett is also backstage, and he’s…WALKING TOO!! Foley takes on Jarrett with both their careers on the line and Beer Money Inc as special referees, and that’s next!

We’re back, and it’s a video package recapping the Foley-Jarrett-Bischoff situation, then we go to JB, who’s got both men for comments mere moments before their match against one another with both careers on the line. Foley says he’s talked about walking away from TNA, but if he does, he’s going to do it of his own accord and not because of Eric Bischoff. He says he’s spent weeks doing Bischoff’s bidding and all the while was thinking of ways to get Bischoff out of TNA. Jarrett says they’re both men and they both have pride, but part of that is TNA pride, and they both want and deserve to stay there. Foley doesn’t want to be the guy to force the founder out of TNA, but they owe it to themselves and the fans to go out there and give it their all, and he’ll see him out there. Jarrett says he was on the outs here for months, but Foley put the passion back in him, so he feels like he doesn’t just owe it to his fans and his family, but to Mick Foley as well.

We’re off to the ring for our feature contest of the evening!

Career Match: Jeff Jarrett vs Mick Foley

Beer Money Inc makes their way to the ring, and I must say that I’ve seen announcers and wrestlers wearing cowboy hats, but this is the first referee I’ve ever seen wear one. Mick and Jeff shake hands and then we’re off. Tie up and both men bacck off. Another tie up and Foley takes Jarrett to the corner, and we get a clean break. Foley takes a side headlock and Jarrett whips Foley into the ropes, but Foley comes off with a shoulderblock for a 1 count. I love the sign in the crowd that says “Really Awful Wrestling”. Now Jarrett with a side headlock but Foley shoots him into the ropes and catches him with an elbow for 2. Jarrett with a boot to the gut and an Irish Whip, but Foley reverses and Jarrett with a sunset flip for 2. Foley with a backslide for 2, and then rocks him with a big right to the jaw and another one, and then a third. Well, Foley is winning on points so far. Foley goes for the Cactus DDT, JArrett reverses and tries to go for the Stroke, but Roode grabs Jarrett’s ankle from the floor. Jarrett stops to jaw with Roode and Foley nails him from behind and sends Jarrett to the floor. Foley follows him out and starts working him over on the floor as Eric Bischoff makes his way out to the broadcast table with a bag of ice on his head as we go to commercial.

We’re back and Foley and Jarrett are going at it up by the entranceway as the broadcast team is joined by Eric Bischoff. Jarrett gets the advantage and suplexes Foley on the ramp. I really think Foley’s past the age where he should be taking bumps like that. They head back in the ring where Jarrett works Foley over in the corner and covers for 2. Jarrett beats him up some more and gets another 2. Jarrett puts the feet on the ropes and gets another 2! Ooooh, Jarrett’s really pulling out all the stops! Jarrett goes back to work in the corner and gets a DDT for 2. Jarrett goes and grabs a chair, but Foley kicks him in the gut, Jarrett drops the chair, and Foley hits the Cactus DDT and goes for the cover, but Jarrett gets his foot on the ropes. Foley takes Mr Socko out and gets the Mandible Claw and Jarrett goes for the ropes, but Roode kicks his hand away and Foley falls back into a bodyscissors variation of the Mandible Claw, but Jarrett somehow fights his way out of the hold. Foley grabs the chair and takes a run at Jarrett in the corner, but Jarrett gets the boot up and kicks the chair into Foley’s face, hits the Stroke into the chair, and covers Foley for the win.

Winner: Jeff Jarrett

Roode tries to raise Jarrett’s hand, but Jarrett pushes him away before finally allowing Roode to raise his hand. Jarrett looks really unhappy over what just happened as Foley gets to his feet and comes over and gives Jarrett a hug and raises his hand, and then Jarrett raises Foley’s hand and they shake as Bischoff pretends to be overcome with emotion at this scene. The crowd chants “Foley” and “Thank You Mick” as Foley heads to the back. Bischoff is gold as he’s sitting at the broadcast table going “See ya, Mick! Good luck in your future endeavors!” Then Bischoff decides he’s not done yet, and tells Beer Money to give “Double J” a taste of their medicine. Beer Money interprets this to mean “kick Jeff Jarrett’s ass”, so that’s exactly what they do, but Jeff Hardy and Rob Van Dam run in for the save and Beer Money clears out. RVD grabs the mic and introduces Jeff and himself and then says that he thinks they can have a lot of fun bouncing Beer Money around the ring tonight, and challenges Beer Money to a tag match later tonight. Beer Money accepts the challenge, and it looks like we have a new main event tonight!

We’re backstage watching Foley walking through the back and being given and it’s…Bubba the Love Sponge, who wants to talk about Foley having just wrestled his last match in TNA. Foley says Bubba’s about the last guy he wants to talk to and Bubba says that’s fine, and not to let the door hit him in the ass on the way out…old timer. Foley comes back and becomes the hero of the internet wrestling fanbase by punching Bubba in the face, then gives a Bang Bang before leaving.

Bischoff walks into Hogan’s office raving about what a great night it’s been, and Hogan asks why Foley leaving is a good thing. He thinks that Foley was trying to prove himself by fighting back against Eric’s shenanigans, but now he’s got a bullet in his head. Hogan says we’re trying to get this company back on track and to please lay off of Jeff Jarrett. Eric says he gets it and is fine with that…but by the way, was Hogan responsible for the RVD/Hardy vs Beer Money match for later tonight? Then he says nevermind, it’s not important, and leaves.

Beer Money is backstage with Christy, and Roode says they’ve been sitting around waiting for an opportunity and have had time to reflect on what’s most important to them, and that’s putting Beer Money first. Storm says they don’t care about the fans because they’re the greatest tag team in the world, and RVD and Hardy are about to find out real soon.

Tonight, Beer Money Inc takes on Jeff Hardy and Rob Van Dam, and up next, the TNA World Tag Team Champions EXPLODE as Matt Morgan takes on Hernandez!

We’re back, and JB is backstage with RVD and Jeff Hardy. Jeff says he knows a thing or two about tag team wrestling, and after saving Jarrett, he knew something like this was going to happen. RVD says they know what they’re doing, and they’re going to show everyone in the TNA Universe what makes them special, and tonight it’s Beer Money’s turn, courtesy of Jeff Hardy and “Mr Monday Night” Rob Van Dam!

We see a video package recapping the dissolution of Matt Morgan and Hernandez, leading us to…

Matt Morgan vs Hernandez

Hernandez jumps Morgan on the way to the ring and beats him all the way down the ramp and into the ring. Hernandez just bowls Morgan over and sends him to the floor then follows him out and beats him up some more on the floor. Hernandez just pounds on Morgan mercilessly before tossing him back in the ring. Morgan begs off and extends his hand…and Hernandez kicks him in the chest. Then he takes his t-shirt, wraps it around Morgan’s neck, and Beels him across the ring, and then does it again. Hernandez with a splash in the corner and then a HUGE spinebuster. Hernandez finally makes a mistake by taking a charge at Morgan in the corner and gets backdropped to the floor. Hernandez grabs Morgan’s ankle and drags him out to the floor, but misses another charge and hits the ringpost, and Morgan Carbon Footprints Hernandez’ head into the ringpost. Hernandez is out as the referee throws up the X and the backstage officials come out with a stretcher. Homicide finally makes his TV return checking on Hernandez, which lets us know that this isn’t part of the show! Whatever. We go to commercial as they put the neck brace on Hernandez.

Wow, short commercial. Okay, we’re back as they’re loading Hernandez onto the stretcher. Oh wait, we’re back at commercial.

Okay, we’re back from commercial and they’re loading Hernandez in the back of an ambulance, which hits the lights and sirens and leaves. I guess at this point we can safely call this…

No Contest

We go to Mike and Taz at the broadcast table and they’ve got their serious voices on. They express deep concern for Hernandez who, as we know, has already had neck surgery, but we’ve got a show to get back to, so we go to a video package recapping last night’s Wolfpac reunion. I didn’t see the PPV yet, but Scott Hall looks like he’s taken the last couple of months and gotten himself back into decent shape. He looked a lot better in actual ring gear than I expected him to.

Okay, we’re back to the ring for our main event!

Beer Money vs Rob Van Dam & Jeff Hardy

SpikeTV has given the okay, we’re going to stick with this match until it ends! That is so Nitro, but in a good way. Hardy and Storm start, and Storm with a boot to the gut and a series of rights, but Hardy slides out to the floor, pulls Roode off the apron, then gets up on the apron and backdrops Storm onto Roode on the floor. Hardy pulls a ladder out from under the ring and puts it on the guardrail and the ring apron as we go to commercial!

We’re back for the conclusion of our main event as Roode whips RVD hard into the corner, but eats elbow on a charge and RVD with a moonsault out of the corner for 2. Roode regains control and tags out to Storm, who pokes RVD in the eyes and then comes off the ropes right into a spinkick from RVD. RVD with the hot tag to Hardy who comes in and cleans house on Storm with a double leg takedown and the double legdrop to the crotch, followed by a gourdbuster for 2. All four men are in…and then Roode bails to the floor, but as the ref sends RVD to the apron, Roode pushes Hardy off the top rope and they’re back in control as we are informed that Tara will face Daffney in a First Blood Match next week. That sounds like fun. Roode with a neckbreaker for 2 and tags in Storm and both men choke Hardy with their boots. Hardy tries to make the tag but Storm cuts him off and we HIT THE CHINLOCK! Hardy fights his way out but Storm yanks Hardy down by the hair and tags out to Roode. Roode mocks RVD by doing the pointing himmick, then chokes Hardy behind the referee’s back and it’s BACK TO THE CHINLOCK! Hardy fights his way out with a chinbreaker, but walks right into a spinebuster from Roode for 2. Storm’s back in and casually boots Hardy in the head and starts jawing at the crowd. Back to the chinlock again, Hardy fights out again, and Hardy ducks a clothesline and both men go for a cross body block and both men are down. Hardy makes the tag, but the referee didn’t see it, so Beer Money drag Hardy back to their side of the ring. Storm goes for the Eye Of The Storm, but Hardy escapes and hits the Whisper In The Wind (I hate the name of that move)…and slowly makes his way over to RVD…and finally makes the hot tag! RVD is in and cleans house on Beer Money, hitting a spinkick on Roode in the corner, then follows that up with a monkey flip and goes up top and comes off with the jump kick to Roode and goes for a cover, but Storm breaks up the count. RVD with a boot to the face of Storm and hits the split-legged moonsault, but Storm’s not the legal man. Roode with a lariat lays RVD out, but Hardy nails Roode, Storm hits Hardy with a kick from the outside, and Beer Money with a double suplex on Hardy. RVD comes in, but gets nailed and Beer Money with a NICE catapult DDT on RVD for 2. Roode goes for the Fisherman’s Suplex, but Hardy reverses to a Twist Of Fate…and Storm drags him to the floor and goes to ram him into the ladder, but Hardy baseball slides under it and rams the ladder into Storm. RVD with Rolling Thunder on Roode, Hardy with the Swanton, and RVD finishes with the Five Star Notebook Splash for the win. Nice finishing sequence there.

Winner: Rob Van Dam & Jeff Hardy

After the match, Eric Young comes out of the crowd and grabs a mic and says he’s going to keep it short and sweet, and he just talked to Hulk and TNA management, and next week we’ve got a six man tag pitting the Wolfpac against Eric Young, RVD, and Jeff Hardy! All three men stand in the ring with arms raised as we go off the air.