WWE RAW Report – 11/16/2009

– Tonight’s RAW kicks off with the familiar bagpipe music. We see Roddy Piper backstage. He says he’s back. He has his co-host with him and it’s actor and comedian Luis Guzman from Traffic and Boogie Nights fame, among other roles. Piper says he heard Luis is a chef so he’s brought in someone special, a celebrity chef, the Iron Chef. In comes The Iron Sheik with The Bella Twins. Piper says no, this is wrong. Guzman brings up Hulk Hogan and Sheik starts ripping on Hogan. They mock Saturday Night Live and say, “Live from New York, it’s Monday Night RAW!” We cut to the new RAW theme song by Nickelback and the new opening video. Michael Cole welcomes us to Madison Square Garden to a sold-out crowd of 20,538 fans. Cole and Lawler plug tonight’s main event.

WWE United States Title Match: The Miz vs. MVP

We go right to the ring where the United States Champion The Miz walks out. The entrance way is definitely looking a bit old school tonight. Miz takes the mic and gets tons of heat from the crowd. Miz rips on New York City and it’s sports teams. Miz says he earned his title and is about to prove it as Roddy Piper put him in this match. Out comes his opponent MVP with the title on the line.

MVP comes out and gives his hat to Sherri Shephard, who is sitting at ringside. The match starts and they go back and forth. Miz control until MVP hits a huge clothesline and hip toss, followed by a scoop slam. MVP goes for a boot to the face but Miz rolls to the floor. MVP comes out after him and drops Miz with a right hand on the floor. They go back in the ring and MVP knocks him down with another right. Miz goes for the knee and sends MVP to the floor. Miz follows and works MVP over on the outside.

Miz gets a 2 count in the ring and takes back control of the match. MVP comes back again with a big front drop and clotheslines. MVP hits the knee to the face and the Ballin’ elbow drop. MVP goes for the Playmaker but Miz blocks it. MVP responds with a boot to the face and a 2 count. Miz fights back and hits a big kick to the gut on MVP. Miz nails the Skull Crushing Finale for the pinfall and the win.

Winner: The Miz

Chavo Guerrero vs. Santino Marella

Back from commercial and we see a replay of Ricky Hatton hitting Chavo Guerrero on last week’s RAW. Chavo is waiting in the ring and out comes his opponent, Santino Marella. Santino is wearing a NY Rangers jersey and looks a bit fat. He enters the ring, takes off the hockey jersey and has a NY Giants jersey on underneath. He takes that off and has a NY Knicks jersey on. More stalling as he takes off that jersey and has a NY Jets jersey on underneath that. The match looks like it’s about to start but Santino reveals a NY Mets jersey. We get ready to wrestle… no. Santino reveals a Philadelphia Phillies jersey. Finally, he takes that off and has a NY Yankees jersey on. Chavo attacks and drops Santino then hits the trios of suplexes. Chavo climbs to the top rope but comes back down, looking confused after Santino rolls around the ring. Chavo goes to the opposite top rope but Santino rolls around some more. Chavo tries another corner but Santino rolls. Hornswoggle runs in the ring with DX gear on and the glowsticks. He crotch chops Chavo, allowing Santino to roll him up for the pinfall and the win.

Winner: Santino Marella

– Chavo gets pissed off after Hornswoggle cost him the match but DX’s music plays and out comes Triple H and Shawn Michaels to a big pop. There are DX glowsticks everywhere.

Triple H takes the mic first, putting over New York City and MSG. Shawn plugs the new DX book on WWEshop.com and Triple H joins in on the shilling. Shawn tosses a book into the crowd to Sherri Shephard. Triple H talks about the match with him, HBK and John Cena at Survivor Series. Cena’s name gets a mixed reaction. Triple H says he and HBK are on the same page and will always be a unit. He says they understand that only one of them can be WWE Champion and it doesn’t matter as long as the belt comes to DX.

They talk about Hornswoggle next. Triple H says he has refused to stop stealing their gimmick. They invite Hornswoggle to the ring and out he comes, doing crotch chops, about 100 of them. Finally he stops. Triple H says if he wants to be a member of DX, he has to get in line and Hornswoggle stands in between them. Triple H asks him if he’s ready, then asks New York if they.. are.. ready. They get ready to tell everyone to suck it when Triple H kicks Hornswoggle in the gut. He waits a second before dropping Hornswoggle with the Pedigree. The crowd boo’s but it doesn’t look like a DX turn. They bring out a miniature stretcher and load Hornswoggle onto it. DX takes Hornswoggle to the back on a stretcher as RAW goes to commercial.

– Back from the break and we get a replay of Triple H laying out Hornswoggle. They plug Jay-Z’s Empire State of Mind single off Blueprint 3 before going to a video package with the music showing WWE moments from Madison Square Garden over the years.

– We go backstage with Roddy Piper and Chris Jericho. Jericho says Piper has done nothing but disrespect him since being at RAW tonight. Piper brings in Chris Masters and introduces him to Jericho. A song by The Black Eyed Peas plays and Masters makes his pecs dance to it. The Bella Twins come in and dance beside him. We go to ringside where two guys from The Black Eyed Peas are getting the crowd hype. Back to commercial.

– Back from the break and Judah Friedlander from NBC sitcom 30 Rock is introduced. Cole says he’s a huge WWE fan. He comes out and takes the mic, getting NYC hype. It looks like he’s going to be our guest ring announcer for the Divas Title match.

WWE Divas Title Lumberjill Match: Melina vs. Alicia Fox

Out first comes the WWE Divas Champion Melina, without her paparazzi entrance. Out next is Alicia Fox. She tells Judah to announce her as the next Divas Champion. He says no because he came to do two things… see Melina’s entrance and announce this match as a Lumberjill match. Out come all the Divas from RAW and SmackDown participating in the Survivor Series match.

Alicia gets dumped to the floor but makes it back in the ring before getting attacked. They go back and forth. Alicia tosses Melina to the floor and some of the heel Divas attack her. Alicia with a 2 count on Melina. Melina takes it back to the corner and drops Alicia on her face. Clotheslines by Melina. Alicia with a backbreaker and a 2 count. Melina hits a nice sit down move for the pinfall and the win.

Winner: Melina

– After the match, Michelle McCool enters the ring and attacks Melina from behind. The rest of the Divas enter the ring and start brawling. Team Mickie ends up standing at the end and celebrating with Judah.

– Back from the break and Cole plugs WWE and USA Network extending their relationship with the new deal signed today.

– The bagpipes start up again as WWE Hall of Famer Roddy Piper makes his way to the ring to a nice pop. Piper says he loves the crowd too. He asks the cameraman if he’s going to stand in his face all night or is he going to have to kick him in the slacks. Piper puts over New York City and talks Cyndi Lauper and WrestleMania. He talks about all the names he has wrestled in MSG like Captain Lou Albano, Hulk Hogan, Andre and others. He says when you mess with Piper, you either end up dead or bald and says yeah, I just went there. Piper says he wants one more match… with Vince McMahon and starts talking about Vince.

No Chance starts playing and out marches Vince McMahon to the ring and a nice pop from the crowd. Vince says the most horrible thing Piper has ever done in MSG is show up tonight. Vince says mother nature hasn’t been too nice to Piper. Vince says Piper still has nobby knees, skinny arms and legs and a catcher’s mitt face. Vince says Piper’s kilt obviously hasn’t shriveled up. Vince says his family members who aren’t here would be ashamed of Vince if he went there. Piper says Vince has a lot to be ashamed of and rips on his looks. Vince says Piper doesn’t look as good as him. Vince says it doesn’t matter whether it was Austin, Rock, Shane, Triple H, Undertaker and others, he has always looked better than anyone. Vince announces that he’s officially retired from ring action.

Piper says he has had enough games. He says Vince retiring is him being a coward. Piper goes off and he’s still a nut. Piper says he’s beaten cancer and can beat Vince. Piper says he doesn’t want the match to be on pay-per-view, he wants it to be free for the fans tonight. Piper says let’s see if he can retire Vince for good. The music hits and Piper makes his way to the back while Vince mocks him from the ring.

– Back from the break and Sheamus makes his way out as we see replays of Sheamus hurting Jamie Noble two weeks ago. Sheamus takes the mic and tells everyone his name. He says he’s been here four weeks and already retired one guy. He says tonight, he will annihilate anyone that has the guts to step in the ring and issues a challenge. Sheamus goes to the floor and gives Justin Roberts the mic back. He grabs a WWE production guy by the face and works him over. Sheamus tosses the guy across the announcer’s table and into the fan barrier. Jerry Lawler gets up and goes towards the production worker. Sheamus kicks Lawler in the face and lays him out. Sheamus walks to the back as WWE officials tend to Lawler and the production guy. We go to commercial.

– Back from the break and Matt Striker joins Michael Cole on commentary. They play up the seriousness of Sheamus attacking Lawler. They run down the card for next Sunday’s Survivor Series.

Evan Bourne vs. Jack Swagger

Evan Bourne makes his way to the ring for the next match as we go to replays of Bourne vs. Jack Swagger on last week’s show with The Miz interfering. Out next comes his opponent Jack Swagger. We go to commercial as Swagger enters the ring and gets in Bourne’s face.

Back from the break and Swagger is in control after dominating Bourne during the break. Bourne fights out of a hold but Swagger drops him on his face. Bourne rolls Swagger up for a 2 count. Bourne with a knee to the face and dropkick. Swagger falls back into the corner. Bourne charges but Swagger catches him. Bourne fights out and hits the double knees from the top rope for a 2 count.

They go back and forth until Swagger hits the gutwrench powerbomb for the pinfall and the win.

Winner: Jack Swagger

– We see Roddy Piper heading to the ring as we go to commercial.

– Back from the break and Roddy Piper is ready in the ring for a street fight against Vince McMahon. Piper waits on Vince to come out. Voices hits and Randy Orton makes his way to the ring. Orton takes the mic and says he doesn’t know if Vince is coming out or not but he does know that Piper has a big problem because Orton is here. Orton says if Piper wants a fight… and he kicks him in the stomach. Piper gets up and hits Orton with a right hand. Orton beats Piper down and starts stomping.

Kofi Kingston’s music hits and he rushes the ring, unloading on Orton. Orton flees to the floor while Kofi is hype in the ring. Kofi comes to the floor after Orton and they start brawling. Roddy Piper walks around them and heads to the back. Kofi dumps Orton over the barrier to the crowd. Orton and Kofi fight each other through the crowd. Orton throws Kofi back over to the ringside area and starts stomping on Kofi on the floor. Orton slams Kofi’s head into the steel steps and brings him back in the ring.

Orton keeps beating Kofi down in the ring. Orton backs up for a punt kick but Kofi jumps up and knocks Orton to the mat. Orton scrambles out to the floor. Kofi comes after him and they go at it. Kofi dumps Orton back into the crowd area and they keep brawling. WWE officials come over and break the brawl up. Orton comes through them and attacks Kofi again. Kofi leaps onto Orton and the officials. They brawl through the production area and into the crowd. Kofi picks up part of a big technical case and smacks Orton in the face with it, laying him out on a table. Kofi goes up one level and tries to leap through the table and Orton. Officials come up and pull him off the railing and down the stairs. Kofi breaks free, runs back to the railing and nails a big Boom Drop through Orton and the table. The crowd goes nuts. Kofi stands up on the railing as the crowd pops and Cole hypes this as Kofi’s big moment at MSG. We go to commercial.

– Back from the break and John Cena is backstage. He talks about the main event tonight. Cena then talks about Undertaker and the Survivor Series match. Cena calls the match at Survivor Series a Handicap match. A WWE crew member hands him a note saying it’s a Triple Threat match. Yeah. Cena goes on some more before we head to the ring.

Chris Jericho & Big Show vs. DX vs. John Cena & The Undertaker

The WWE Unified Tag Team Champions Big Show & Chris Jericho make their way to the ring first and we take a commercial break as they enter. Back from the break and DX makes their way to the ring at 11:01. John Cena’s music hits next and out comes the WWE Champion. Cena rushes the ring to a nice pop. The lights go out and druids come out holding torches. The crowd starts chanting for Undertaker. The bell tolls, the crowd pops and The World Heavyweight Champion begins his entrance. Taker enters the ring and stares down DX as we get ready to start the match.

The bell rings and Cena starts out with Jericho. Cena shoves Jericho to the mat and he tags in Big Show. Triple H comes in the ring to talk smack to Show. Cena tags in Undertaker. Triple H and Taker come face to face in the ring. They both turn and attack Big Show with right hands. Taker clotheslines Show over the rope to the floor. Taker rocks Triple H in the corner with right hands and drops him. Triple H catches Taker with a big spinebuster and tags in HBK. Taker sits up like he always does.

Taker swings but HBK ducks and hits him with chops. Taker tries to toss HBK over the ropes but he hangs on. Taker turns around to a spear from Big Show. Show tags in Jericho after laying out HBK. Jericho comes in and bulldogs HBK. He goes for the Lionsault but HBK counters. Jericho locks on the Walls of Jericho but Taker grabs him by the throat. Cena tags Taker out and bulldogs Jericho. Cena turns around to a big shot from HBK. Triple H comes in and goes at it with Jericho. Cena drops Jericho with a side slam and comes face to face with Triple H. Triple H crotch chops Cena and they trade blows. Show comes in and chokeslams them both. Taker comes in and rocks Show with rights before hitting the flying clothesline. Taker dumps Show back to the floor and goes out after him.

Show reverses a throw and tosses Taker into the fan barrier. In the ring, Cena gets a 2 count. Triple H tags in HBK. HBK goes at it with Jericho and hits a flying forearm and atomic drop. HBK with a scoop slam before going to the top rope and nailing the elbow drop. HBK gets ready for Sweet Chin Music but Cena ducks it and knocks HBK down with forearms and the big slam. Cena goes for the Attitude Adjuster but Triple H had tagged himself in. Triple H with the high knee and knee to the face on Cena. Triple H takes Jericho down and nails the spinebuster on Cena. Triple H goes for the Pedigree but Show comes in with a headbutt. Show turns around to Sweet Chin Music from HBK. Jericho hits the Codebreaker on HBK. Jericho turns around to a big chokeslam from Undertaker. Triple H gets up and clotheslines Taker to the floor. Cena nails the Attitude Adjuster on Triple H for the pinfall and the win.

Winners: John Cena and The Undertaker

– After the match, Cena starts celebrating when The Undertaker comes in and lays him out with the Tombstone. Taker poses in the ring with his belt as his music plays and RAW goes off the air.

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