– Tonight’s WWE RAW opens with “Crazy Train” playing. Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne appear in the ring and the crowd loves it. Ozzy laughs and says “all aboard….” Sharon says this isn’t the first time Ozzy has been in a WWE ring and we flash back to his appearance at WrestleMania years ago and on SmackDown a few years back. Sharon asks Ozzy if he remembers that and he says no. The music hits and out comes The Miz.
The WWE United States Champion makes his way to the ring and Ozzy gets up off his throne. Miz asks Sharon if it’s going to be a crazy night and she calls him a little boy. Miz says he is a bigger star than Ozzy and his entire family combined. Sharon mocks him and calls him a little boy again. Miz tells them to pay close attention to what he is about to say. He says he got robbed of his match against Evan Bourne last week due to outside interference. He tells Ozzy and Sharon to strike his loss from the record and have the referee overturn the decision. Ozzy asks him who the bloody hell he is. Miz says he’s awesome when Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase make their way to the ring.
Legacy hit the ring and say it’s petty for Miz to complain about losing by count out because they have a real problem. Cody talks about buying the NASCAR car for Randy Orton last week and Ted cuts him off, saying he paid more for it. They talk about Kofi Kingston destroying the car. They tell Ozzy to put them in a handicap match against Kofi tonight. Miz tells them to wait his return. Sharon keeps saying “really.” Big Show’s music hits and out he comes to the ring.
Show looks pissed off as he makes his way into the ring. Show tells Ozzy and Sharon not to listen to these whiners and complainers. He says he was betrayed and physically assaulted by the entire RAW roster last week. Show demands an apology. Ozzy tells him he’s sorry. Show says no, he wants the entire RAW roster to come out and apologize and if he doesn’t, they are all going to get one of these.. and holds up his fist. Ozzy yells Sharon’s name. DX’s music hits next and out they come to a big pop.
Shawn and Triple H shake the hands of Ozzy and Sharon and calls Show, Miz and Legacy ratings killers. Triple H pulls out Ozzy’s new book and plugs it. HBK pulls out the new DX book and they plug that too. Ozzy is awesome. Miz tells them this isn’t time for shameless plugs, this is serious. Triple H says if Miz wants his loss taken off the books, watch this. He whispers something to Ozzy. Ozzy says Miz is going to face Evan Bourne tonight for the US Title. HBK addresses Legacy and shamelessly plugs WrestleMania tickets going on sale this weekend. HBK whispers in Sharon’s ear and she announces Kofi Kingston vs. Randy Orton for tonight. Show says maybe he doesn’t want an apology, maybe he wants a warm-up for Survivor Series. He proposes John Cena vs. Triple H vs. HBK tonight and whispers in Ozzy’s ear. Ozzy announces John Cena vs. Chris Jericho vs. Big Show, after Triple H whispers in his ear. Show doesn’t like this and whines to Sharon. She says Ozzy has the final word and if Show isn’t down with that, she has two words for him… the crowd finishes the rest. DX celebrate in the ring with Ozzy and Sharon as the other Superstars leave the ring. Ozzy does the DX pose with HBK and HHH while Sharon throws an X up. We go to commercial.
WWE United States Title Match: The Miz vs. Evan Bourne
Back from the break and we get introductions for this match. WWE United States Champion The Miz is waiting in the ring as Evan Bourne makes his way down. The bell rings and they get ready to go at it. Miz strikes first with kicks and a big knee. Miz puts a knee to the head in the ropes.
Back and forth until Bourne takes Miz down with a head scissors and kick to the face. Miz goes to the floor and Bourne flies over the top with knees. Bourne brings Miz back in the ring for a 2 count. Miz takes control back and drops Bourne’s gut over the top rope. Miz with kicks to the ribs now and a submission hold. Bourne breaks out of the hold with a 2 count. Miz with rights to the gut. He goes for a suplex but Bourne counters it with a knee to the head and a 2 count. Bourne with another knee to the head. Miz falls back into the corner. Bourne charges and ends up with a kick off the second rope for another 2 count. Miz catches Bourne with a jawbreaker but runs into a big boot in the corner. Bourne goes up top for the Shooting Star Splash. Miz moves and Bourne lands on his feet. Miz hip tosses Bourne into the corner and hits the Skull Crushing Finale for the pinfall and the win.
Winner: The Miz
– Back from commercial and Josh Matthews is backstage with Sheamus. Matthews says Sheamus is facing Jamie Noble tonight and asks if he will do anything to impress Ozzy Osbourne tonight. Sheamus says Ozzy’s career should have been over a long time ago and after tonight, Jamie Noble’s career will be over. We go to ringside where Cole and Lawler hype up Sheamus.
Sheamus vs. Jamie Noble
The music hits and out comes Sheamus while Jamie Noble is already waiting in the ring. The bell rings and Sheamus charges Noble, knocking him down. He whips him in the opposite corner and starts dropping knees to the back. Noble rolls to the floor and Sheamus follows. Sheamus throws Jamie hard into the ring post and brings him back in the ring. Sheamus with a big clothesline to the back of the head and more kicks.
Sheamus continues to dominate Noble and drops him over his knee. Sheamus hits the big pump kick to the head and Noble goes back down. Sheamus goes for the pin but breaks it at the 2 count. Sheamus tosses Noble into the corner and unloads with rights and kicks. The ref pulls him off but he goes right back at it. Noble is down in the corner. The referee calls for the bell after checking on him. Sheamus takes Noble to the top and hits him with more rights. Sheamus runs and kicks Noble off the top turnbuckle and down to the floor. Sheamus goes to the floor and powerbombs Noble on the concrete. WWE officials rush down and check on Noble, who appears to be in all kinds of pain. Sheamus backs up the ramp as they bring a stretcher out for Noble. We go to replays. The match is announced as the referee calling it but no winner is announced. Sheamus stands on top of the ramp smiling as they load Noble up on the stretcher and we go to another replay. We go to commercial.
– We come back from break and Lawler and Cole promise an update on Jamie Noble’s condition later tonight. We cut back to last week’s RAW where Randy Orton threw Kofi Kingston off the stage and later on where Kofi destroyed Orton’s NASCAR given to him by Legacy. We see Kofi backstage making his way to the ring when Josh Matthews stops him. He asks Kofi if he has regrets from last week. Kofi says Orton is blaming someone else for his problems, like a bully. Kofi talks about destroying the car but says he left the mirror on it so Orton can take a look at why he’s on longer WWE Champion. He says he doesn’t regret a thing and we go to commercial.
Randy Orton vs. Kofi Kingston
Back from the break and Randy Orton makes his way to the ring after we get a plug for Ozzy’s new book. Orton wastes no time getting to the ring and he’s pissed. Out next is Kofi Kingston. The bell rings and Orton taunts Kofi a bit. They talk trash and slap each other. Kofi with right hands and kicks. Orton takes him to the corner and beats him down. The referee has to break it up.
Orton works over Kofi some more and the crowd chants for Kofi. Kofi ducks a clothesline and hits a big dropkick. Kofi clotheslines Orton over the top to the floor and comes out after him. Kofi with a big right hand and he brings Orton back in the ring. Legacy rush down and Orton gets thrown over the top onto them. Kofi runs the ropes and dives onto all three Legacy members on the floor. Kofi enters the ring and they surround it. Ozzy and Sharon appear on the big screen. They make this a 6 man tag match. Ozzy says let the madness begin and out comes Mark Henry and MVP.
Mark Henry, MVP and Kofi Kingston vs. Ted DiBiase, Cody Rhodes and Randy Orton
MVP and Mark Henry make their way down to the ring as Legacy look around confused. We go to commercial break. Back from the break and Ted is going at it with Kofi in the ring. Cody comes in and Kofi tosses him across the ring. Orton comes in and Kofi takes him out. He goes back to work on Ted and tags in MVP. They hit the Ballin’ elbow and Boom Drop at the same time. MVP with a 2 count on Ted.
Henry is tagged in and he drops Ted with a headbutt. Henry misses a clothesline and Ted dropkicks his knee. Cody comes in and they double team Henry before he double clotheslines them to the mat. Henry slings Cody into the opposite corner. He tags in MVP who runs into Cody’s boots. Cody goes to work on MVP. Ted is tagged in and stops a MVP suplex. They double team MVP and Ted hits a leg sweep for a 1 count. Orton is tagged in and they keep MVP in their corner. Orton distracts the ref while Legacy tries to double team MVP. Orton with more stomps in the corner. Ted is tagged back in. He drops an elbow and kicks MVP in the head for a 2 count. Another tag to Cody this time.
Cody continues to work over MVP. MVP fights out of it but gets hit by a big dropkick. 2 count by Cody. Orton is tagged back in. He starts stomping on MVP and hits a dropkick for a 2 count. MVP fights out of the corner on all of Legacy but Orton drops him to the mat again. Orton goes for a big knee drop and MVP moves. Orton hits it this time and gets another 2 count. Orton with a headlock. They go back and forth until MVP hits a big clothesline. Kofi is almost tagged in when Orton knocks him off the apron. Ted comes in and they continue to work on MVP. MVP hits an overhead toss on Ted and tags in Mark Henry as Cody comes in. Henry takes Ted and Cody out. He nails a big splash in the corner on Cody. Henry goes for a big slam when Orton breaks it up. Orton goes for an RKO but Kofi stops it with a dropkick. Cody goes to the top and tries for a crossbody on Henry. Henry catches him in mid-air and hits the World’s Strongest Slam for the pinfall and the win.
Winners: MVP, Mark Henry and Kofi Kingston
– Before we go to commercial, Lawler plugs a segment called “RAW’s Got Talent” which will be hosted by Ozzy and Sharon when we come back.
– Back from commercial and Jerry Lawler is in the ring. Ozzy and Sharon are sitting at a table. Lawler says this is going to be Ozzy and Sharon’s “RAW’s Got Talent” show. Lawler brings out Ozzy and Sharon’s third judge, The Great Khali. Out comes Khali, in a suit, with Runjin Singh. Khali takes a seat and says something. Lawler interprets for Khali and says he has a huge crush on Kelly Osbourne. Sharon says they would love Khali as a son-in-law. Lawler introduces the first contestant, Santino Marella. Santino will be singing Ozzy’s hit “Bark at the Moon.” Santino stumbles out to the stage dressed like a bad looking rock star. Santino says he’s not singing this song because he’s not a dog. Santino says he’s going to bite the head off a bit, like Ozzy infamously did. Santino pulls out a Batman action figure and bits the head off it. Sharon calls it rubbish and Santino loses.
Lawler introduces Chris Masters next, who will be doing an art performance done to Crazy Train. Masters comes out. Crazy Train starts playing and Masters starts flexing his pecs to the music. Sharon and Ozzy seem to like it. They give him the loser sound on the buzzer. Ozzy tells him to buy a bra but Sharon says he’s gorgeous. Ranjin says Khali found it oddly mesmerizing. Lawler introduces next, Chavo Guerrero and Jillian Hall. Apparently they will be singing a duet. Jillian comes out and says she’s such a big fan. They’re going to do Close My Eyes Forever, by Ozzy and Lita Ford. Jillian starts singing and everyone, including Ozzy and Sharon hate it. Chavo isn’t much better. Ozzy says he’s going to rename the song Close My Ears Forever. Jillian says they don’t know talent, Sharon has always been jealous of Lita Ford and she’s not even an Ozzy fan. Sharon tells her to get down to the ring. Chavo and Jillian come down talking junk. Jillian starts singing Britney Spears in Sharon’s face. Sharon stands up and clubs her in the side of the head. Chavo tells Ozzy to control his wife. Ozzy says he can’t control her and tells Chavo to. Chavo says maybe he will. He gets in Sharon’s face and they talk trash. Khali stands up and decks Chavo, knocking him to the mat. The music hits and out comes Hornswoggle, dressed like Jack Osbourne. It’s Jackswoggle. He nails the tadpole splash on Chavo and celebrates with Ozzy and Sharon. Crazy Train plays again as they all celebrate in the ring.
– We see Kelly Kelly, The Bella Twins, Gail Kim and Eve Torres in the back. Cole hypes a Divas Battle Royal to determine a new #1 contender as we go to commercial.
Divas Title #1 Contender Battle Royal
Back from the break and it’s Eve, Gail Kim, Alicia Fox, Kelly Kelly, The Bella Twins in the ring. The bell rings and they all go at it. Kelly tries to eliminate Alicia and Gail goes at it with one of the Bellas. Gail with a neckbreaker. The other Bella saves her sister. We see Melina in the back watching on a big screen. Kelly and Gail try to dump one of the Bellas but Gail gets eliminated. Kelly and Gail look at each other confused. Jack Swagger starts walking down as Eve clotheslines Alicia.
Eve clotheslines Kelly, Alicia and the Bellas. She eliminates both Bella Twins. Alicia eliminates Eve through the ropes. Swagger looks at Eve and shakes his head. Kelly picks Alicia up on her shoulders and tries to eliminate her but she hangs on. Kelly hits her springboard elbow in the corner but Alicia dumps her over the top rope out of nowhere for the win.
Winner and New #1 Contender to the Divas Title: Alicia Fox
– We go to ringside with Cole and Lawler. They talk about Sheamus’ attack on Jamie Noble earlier and show a replay. They say Noble isn’t doing good and wish him the best. We go to more replays from the night and plug the Triple Threat main event for tonight. Back to commercial.
– Back from the break. Cole and Lawler talk about the situation on SmackDown between Rey Mysterio and Batista. We cut to a video package from SmackDown.
– Back from the break and Ozzy and Sharon are talking backstage. Chris Jericho walks in and says they have been making a mockery of RAW like every other host has and have shown him no respect. He says he has talent and he is the best in the world at what he does. Jericho says when he was growing up, Ozzy was his hero. Jericho rips on the fans and says he’s better than Ozzy. Sharon and Ozzy disagree. He says if they ever disrespect him again, that will be the ultimate sin. Jericho walks off and Ozzy asks who that joke was.
– We cut to DX backstage talking about meeting with their lawyers. The camera pans out and Hornswoggle, dressed as Jack Osbourne, is hanging on a hook on the wall. They want him to stop the gimmick infringement. HBK says if he does it again, he’s in big trouble. John Cena walks up and takes Hornswoggle off the hook. Cena says Hornswoggle is the reason they’re all fighting at Survivor Series. Hornswoggle makes some noise and walks off. Triple H says he’s not sweating Survivor Series too much because he beat Cena a few weeks ago. HBK talks about being in England next week and reminds Cena about their match last year in England. Cena says we beat each other all the time and looks over at the Bella Twins. They walk off and Cena says that didn’t come out right. HBK says DX has a mathematical probability of walking out of Survivor Series with the WWE Title. Cena reminds them they can beat up on each other in the match also. Cena says while they have 2 words for everybody, he has 4… the Champ is here. Cena does a cheesy grin and walks off stage. DX try to stretch the comedy again and we go to another break.
– Back from the break and DX is joining Cole and Lawler at ringside for commentary.
John Cena vs. Chris Jericho vs. Big Show
As DX takes a seat at ringside, the WWE Champion John Cena makes his way to the ring for tonight’s Triple Threat main event. Out next is one half of the WWE Tag Team Champions, Chris Jericho followed by his partner Big Show. As Show finishes his entrance, we go to commercial.
Back from the break and Show is working Cena over on the floor. Cena counters him and goes back in the ring against Jericho. Cena with a suplex on Jericho and a 2 count. Show trips Cena as he runs the ropes and pulls him out to the floor. Show works Cena over and tosses him into the fan barrier. Show throws him in the ring and Jericho gets a 2 count on him. Jericho and Show exchange words before beating down Cena some more. Show with a big suplex on Cena.
Cena fights back on Show and Jericho but gets knocked out of the air by Big Show. Jericho with right hands on Cena. Jericho holds Cena while Show hits him with a big chop. Show and Jericho continue to dominate Cena. Jericho with a backdrop on Cena. “Vintage DX” on commentary tonight. They launch Cena into the opposite corner and he goes down.
Show charges Cena in the corner but he moves out of the way. Cena hip tosses Jericho and hits the running bulldog. Show comes back and spears Cena. Jericho hits the Lionsault and goes for a pin but Show breaks the pin. Show and Jericho have words. Jericho shoves him and slaps him. Show tosses Jericho over the top rope and goes for a knockout punch on Cena. Cena ducks it and fights back. Show goes for a chokeslam but Cena slides out of it. Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment but Show falls on top of him. Show climbs to the second rope for the Vader Bomb. Cena rolls out of the way. Show runs into a boot of Cena in the corner, and another. Cena knocks Show through the ropes with a shoulder. Jericho comes in and Cena hits his usual set of moves. Cena hits the Five Knuckle Shuffle on Jericho and goes for an Attitude Adjustment. As he picks Jericho up, Show is on the apron and hits Cena with the knockout punch. Jericho takes advantage and gets the pinfall and the win.
Winner: Chris Jericho
After the match, Jericho locks on the Walls of Jericho while Show applies the clutch at the same time. DX rush the ring but Show takes HBK out with the knockout punch. Triple H tries to fight back but Jericho drops him with the Codebreaker. Big Show and Jericho celebrate in the ring while DX and Cena are laid out. We go to replays. RAW goes off the air with the Tag Team Champions on the ramp as DX and Cena try to recover in the ring.