WWE Monday Night RAW Report – 7/13/2009
– Tonight’s WWE RAW kicks off with Triple H’s music playing in the arena. The Game makes his way to the ring as Michael Cole welcomes us to the Amway Arena in Orlando, Florida. Triple H gets a big pop from the crowd as Lilian Garcia introduces him and Cole plugs Night of Champions.
Triple H’s music stops and the crowd is going nuts for him. Triple H talks about Donald Trump buying RAW and Vince McMahon buying it back. He talks about the celebrity guest host gig and introduces tonight’s guest host – Seth Green. Triple H calls him his friend and talks about some of Seth’s projects. Seth comes out to “Welcome to the Jungle” and skips down the ramp, slapping hands with the fans. Seth hops around the ring to a pretty nice pop. Seth says he is thrilled to be hosting RAW tonight. He says he wants to do some exciting things tonight. He talks about a Six Diva Swimsuit Summer spectacular for tonight and the crowd pops. Triple H talks about being a fan of Robot Chicken and talks about the show.
There are some Seth Green signs in the crowd and you can see security grab them. Triple H talks about him being on Robot Chicken and Seth shows a clip from the upcoming episode featuring Triple H. Good stuff. Seth makes a joke about Randy Orton, calling him a whiny little girl. Triple H goes on making jokes about Randy Orton. Voices hits and out comes the WWE Champion to the stage.
Orton enters the ring and looks Seth and Triple H up and down. He tells Triple H he has something The Game don’t – the WWE Championship. Orton holds the belt up. He addresses Green and says he must be unaware that Orton is known for having anger problems. Orton says he may RKO or punt someone at any moment – no matter how big they are or pathetically small they may be – and looks at Seth. Triple H suggests to Seth that it be Orton vs. Triple H in tonight’s main event. Orton says Seth doesn’t want to do that and says he will win at Night of Champions. Triple H threatens to drop Orton right here, right now. Orton says he has nothing to say to Triple H until Night of Champions and has nothing to say to Green either. Orton goes to walk off and turns around, asking Seth why is he here? Orton asks Seth if he’s ever been in a fight before. Orton says Seth is here so someone will mistake him for a real man and walks off. Seth stops him and says he has big plans for the main event tonight. Seth announces Cody Rhodes, Ted DiBiase and Randy Orton vs. Triple H, John Cena and himself, Seth Green, as tonight’s main event. Orton likes the sound of this and walks off as Triple H talks it over with Seth.
– Backstage we see Kelly Kelly headed to the ring looking hot. We go to commercial as Lawler hypes the 6 Diva Swimsuit Spectacular for tonight.
– Back from commercial and we see Adelita’s Way sitting at ringside.
Lilian announces the match as the team of Mickie, Kelly and Gail Kim come to the ring in bikinis. There are mock palm trees around the ring. Out next is the WWE Divas Champion Maryse, Rosa Mendez and Alicia Fox. Alicia and Gail start the match off with Gail striking and going for a 2 count. Barefoot chicks in bikinis here.
Gail and Alicia go back and forth until Rosa is tagged in. Gail counters her and takes her down and tags in Kelly Kelly. Kelly hits the back elbow in the corner on Rosa and kicks her. Rosa pushes Kelly off and gets a 2 count. Rosa stomps away on Kelly now. Rosa works Kelly over in the corner when Alicia is tagged back in.
Alicia with a headlock on Kelly. Kelly comes out of the corner with a clothesline on Alicia. Mickie and Maryse are tagged in at the same time. Mickie strikes first, taking Maryse down three times ina row. Mickie decks Alicia and Rosa on the apron and hits the head scissors off the top on Maryse. Mickie kind of botches the Thesz Press off the top for a 2 count. All the Divas brawl in the ring now. Mickie dropkicks Alicia to the floor. Mickie turns around and Maryse decks her, throwing her into the ring post. Maryse nails her DDT and gets the pinfall for the win.
Winners: Maryse, Alicia Fox and Rosa Mendez
– Seth Green is backstage when Chris Jericho walks up. Jericho says Green has made a career of mocking Star Wars and Seth says no, he is a big Star Wars and WWE fan. Jericho says he is the biggest Superstar in WWE and Green should have checked in with him tonight. They talk about Robot Chicken and Jericho says Seth is pandering to the pathetic fans. Seth says Jericho should just leave, leave the building. Jericho says he has an agenda tonight and suggests Green stay out of his business. We go to commercial.
Primo Colon vs. The Miz
Back from the break and Primo is in the ring with some new music. He speaks in Spanish first and calls out his brother Carlito. The music hits and out comes The Miz with a microphone. He calls Primo one-half of the colon’s and asks where the other is. Miz says Carlito is out and Miz is in. He says since Maryse is probably watching this, he’s going to leave Primo laying in the ring like the reject brother that he is. Miz tells everyone he’s awesome. The bell rings and they lock up.
They go to the corner and Primo unloads with lefts and rights. Miz counters a move and drops Primo’s face into the corner. Miz with a sideslam and a 2 count. Miz drops knees in the back now. Primo fights back and nails a big Russian leg sweep and a big dropkick. Primo nails a cross body off the second rope for a 2 count. Carlito’s music hits and he comes walking out.
Primo keeps in control until Carlito hops up on the apron and distracts Primo. Miz nails Primo from behind with a knee to the back, hits his finisher and gets the pinfall and the win.
Winner: The Miz
– After the match, Carlito enters the ring and kicks Primo, talking trash to him. Carlito takes a bit of apple, puts his foot to Primo’s neck and spits the apple on his face. Carlito heads to the back while Primo lays in the ring with apple pieces all over him.
– We go to Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler at ringside. Cole talks about Edge’s injury and shows some photos on the screen. Lawler wonders what will happen to the tag titles now. They plug the main event for tonight as we go back to commercial.
– Back from the break and we see the WWE Rewind of Chavo Guerrero vs. Hornswoggle on Superstars. Hornswoggle is in the back with Seth Green. Seth announces Hornswoggle vs. Chavo tonight with Chavo’s arm tied behind his back. Seth turns around and Big Show is there. Seth asks for advice. Show tells him to watch his match with Evan Bourne and then does an impression from Austin Powers. Seth isn’t impressed.
We go to the arena where MVP is making his way to the ring to a nice pop. Out next is his opponent Jack Swagger. Swagger is wearing new blue, red and black tights.
The match starts and they come face to face. Swagger takes MVP to the mat and taunts him. MVP smacks Swagger to the mat. Swagger rolls to the floor. He goes off on the announcer’s table and starts yelling at Cole and Lawler as we go to commercial.
Back from the break and Swagger runs into a boot in the corner. MVP jumps over him off the top and comes back with a clothesline. They go to the floor and MVP drops Swagger again and throws him back in the ring. Swagger tries to kick MVP but he catches it and goes for the Playmaker. Swagger counters it and throws MVP into the ringpost. Swagger uses the post to hurt MVP’s arm and covers him for a 2 count.
Swagger scoops MVP and slams him on his own arm. Swagger does this slam again and gets down in MVP’s face, yelling at him. Swagger runs and hits a splash off the second rope on MVP for another 2 count. MVP gets to his feet and fights back on Swagger with rights. MVP with a clothesline in the corner and a knee to the face. MVP drops the Ballin’ elbow drop for another 2 count. Swagger almost gets dumped to the floor but hangs on. He drops MVP’s arm over the ropes, stuns him and nails the gutwrench powerbomb for the pinfall and the win.
Winner: Jack Swagger
– Backstage we see Chris Jericho walking around with some kind of folder in his hand. We go to commercial.
– Back from the break and Lawler and Cole are talking more about Edge’s injury. We see some surgery photos on the screen. Chris Jericho’s music hits and out comes one-half of the WWE Tag Team Champions.
Jericho enters the ring and stares the crowd down while they boo him. He says for the first time in history, the WWE Tag Titles are held by one man – him. Jericho says that Edge was a great warrior like the Greek god Achilles and both of them went down with the same injury. Jericho talks about all of Edge’s injuries and calls him the weak link of their team. Jericho says it’s obvious he can’t defend the belts against Legacy by himself at Night of Champions. He rips on the crowd.
Jericho asks the fans if they think he should be stripped. They do. He asks if they think Seth Green is going to hold some kind of tournament but he’s too smart for that. He says he had a clause put into his Night of Champions contract saying he could pick any partner he wanted if Edge went down. He says before Night of Champions, he will pick a partner to defend with. He says the person will be deserving to stand beside him and he will be just like Jericho in some ways. Mark Henry’s music hits and out he comes smiling to the ring.
Jericho says Henry is an impressive sight, kind of like the partner he had in mind. Henry puts his arm around Jericho and tells him they can do unbelievable things together. Henry asks the crowd if they could be a good team. Mixed reaction. Henry says he didn’t come out here to be Jericho’s partner, he came out here to be his opponent. Henry lays Jericho out with a big shot. Henry rips Jericho’s shirt and coat off of him. Henry knocks Jericho back into the corner and chokes him with a boot. Jericho ends up on the floor on the outside. Henry challenges him to come back in the ring. Jericho is still in his tie but no shirt. Jericho heads back to the ring but won’t get in at first. Jericho teases getting in the ring a few times. The crowd starts telling Jericho he sucks. He jumps on the apron again but jumps right back off. He slides in and Henry rushes him in the corner. The bell rings.
Mark Henry vs. Chris Jericho
Henry starts unloading on Jericho, tossing him around the ring. Lawler announced Seth Green has made this match official. Henry continues to dominate Jericho, beating him around the ring. Henry trash talks Jericho.
Henry lifts Jericho over his head but Jericho slides out down his back. Jericho tries to fight back but Henry just knocks him back to the mat. Jericho starts heading up the ramp as the referee counts to ten.
Winner by Count Out: Mark Henry
– After the match, Henry celebrates in the ring and gets the crowd to pop. Lawler and Cole plug the six-man main event with Seth Green tonight as we go back to commercial.
Hornswoggle vs. Chavo Guerrero
Chavo must have one hand tied behind his back for this match, as ordered by Seth Green. Out first is Hornswoggle to a nice pop. Next, Chavo Guerrero makes his way to the ring. The referee takes the rope and ties Chavo’s arm behind his back. The bell rings and Horny kicks Chavo from the side. Chavo drops to his knees and tells Hornswoggle to come on. He grabs Horny by the throat but Hornswoggle bites his hand.
Hornswoggle throws Chavo in the corner and kicks him in the face for a 2 count. Hornswoggle does the stink face in the corner and runs at Chavo. Chavo puts his boot up and Horny goes down. Chavo puts Hornswoggle face down and steps on hsi neck. Chavo goes for a suplex but Hornswoggle rolls him up in a small package for the pinfall and the win.
– We see Randy Orton backstage talking to Ted DiBiase. Orton talks about Ted slapping Ted Sr. on RAW last week. Ted says his dad wants him to be a copy of himself – something he doesn’t want to do. Cody walks up and says there’s a rumor that Dusty Rhodes will be next week’s RAW host. Cody says unlike them, he has a good relationship with his dad. Orton says they have to worry about tonight first. He tells them not to touch Seth Green – he wants to take Seth out personally. Back to commercial.
Evan Bourne vs. Big Show
Back from the break and the WWE United States Champion Kofi Kingston comes down for commentary with Cole and Lawler. Out first for the next match is Evan Bourne to a nice pop. We see Seth Green in the back watching the match, getting ready for the main event. Out next is his opponent, Big Show. We’ve got a new WWE referee working this match.
The bell rings and Show tosses Bourne back into the corner. Bourne comes out kicking but show grabs him and throws him to the mat. Show with right hands on Bourne on the mat. Show wrenches Bourne’s arms and just throws him across the ring like it’s nothing. Show steps on Bourne now before hitting him with a big chop. Show just tosses Bourne across the ring again.
Show continues to dominate Bourne and tosses him outside to the floor. Show grabs Bourne from the ring and Bourne manages to drop Show’s neck over the ropes. Bourne comes off the ropes and nails Show. Show catches Bourne in mid-air with a spear and Bourne lands hard on his neck. Show locks on his clutch and Bourne taps out.
Winner: Big Show
– After the match, Show won’t let go of the hold on Bourne. Kofi Kingston rushes the ring and nails Show, kicking him out to the floor. Kofi is ready to fight in the ring as Show just laughs at him while heading up the ramp.
– Back from the break and we see the band Sick Puppies in the crowd. Lawler and Cole plug the Night of Champions pay-per-view.
– Backstage we see Santinon Marella with his action figure and an Iron Sheik figure. Sheik gets tossed and a Trish Stratus action figure appears and kisses Santino. The camera pans and Santino is sitting beside Seth Green, trying to get a job. John Cena and Triple H walk in. Santino shares a joke with Triple H. Seth says he may be in over his head with the match tonight. Cena tells him he can’t come to RAW and try to be a cowboy and that if he doesn’t deliver, he will pummel his face. Cena says he’s just kidding. Seth takes a hit from his inhaler. Triple H and Cena do some comedy and that’s about it.
– Cole and Lawler announce that the host of next week’s RAW will be music legends ZZ Top.
Randy Orton, Ted DiBiase and Cody Rhodes vs. Seth Green, John Cena and Triple H
Out first is the WWE Champion Randy Orton along with Ted DiBiase and Cody Rhodes. Legacy wait in the ring as Welcome to the Jungle plays and Seth Green comes out first. Yes, he has his own entrance video. Seth waits on the ramp as Triple H’s music hits and out he comes to a big pop. Legacy clears the ring as Triple H comes down and enters the ring. Seth enters the ring as John Cena’s music hits and out he comes to a huge pop. Cena comes to the ring as we go back to commercial.
Back from the break and Triple H is suplexing Cody Rhodes. Triple H gets a 2 count on Cody. Triple h tags in Cena and he goes to work on Cody. Cena hits the bulldog and gets a 2 count on Cody. Cena works on the arm of Rhodes. Cena tags in Seth Green and holds Cody for him. Seth lands a big right hand on Cody in the jaw and bops around. Cody gets up pissed and Seth goes to the floor. Cody chases him but runs into Triple H. Triple H rolls Cody in the ring and Seth gets in for a 2 count. Cena is tagged back in and counters a move from Cody. The ref’s back is turned by DiBiase when Orton runs in and drops Cena with a backbreaker. Ted comes around and rams Cena into the apron.
Orton is the legal man now. He pulls Cena in through the ropes and hits the DDT from the ropes. 2 count by Orton. Orton stomps on Cena in Legacy’s corner now as the ref tries to get him off. The ref is distracted again as Legacy stomp on Cena. Ted is tagged in and he kicks Cena in the gut while Orton holds him. Cody is tagged in for some double teaming with Ted. Cody starts stomping as the crowd chants for Cena. They hit a double clothesline and both men go down. Triple H and Orton are tagged in. Triple H with the high knee off the ropes and a knee to the face. Triple H decks Rhodes and DiBiase off the apron and hits the spinebuster on Orton.
Triple H goes for the Pedigree but Legacy rush the ring and stop him. Cena rushes in and they all brawl, except for Seth. Orton hits the RKO out of nowhere on Triple H and goes for the pin. It’s a 2 count as Seth Green breaks the pin up. Orton gets up pissed and grabs Seth by his shirt. Orton kicks him in the gut and he goes down. Orton backs up for the punt kick but Cena comes in and stops him. Cena unloads on Orton until Legacy rush him and break it up. They beat Cena down now. Cody brings a chair in the ring and the bell is called for.
Winners by DQ: Seth Green, Triple H and John Cena
– After the match, Triple H comes in the ring with a sledgehammer and starts attacking Legacy. Cena almost gets hit with the sledgehammer and they face off. Triple H throws the hammer down. Seth Green comes over and the crowd starts chanting his name. Cena, Triple H and Seth Green raise their hands in the air as the RAW theme music plays. Legacy watches them from the top of the stage. Triple H raises Seth on his shoulders and they celebrate in the ring as RAW goes off the air.