WWE RAW Results – March 30, 2009

– Tonight’s WWE RAW kicks off with The Undertaker’s music playing and we see a hearse parked out back. It looks like that was not supposed to be shown because we suddenly cut to the RAW opening video. Things seem rushed already. Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler welcome us to RAW and announce The Undertaker will hold a funeral tonight for Mr. WrestleMania.

Melina, Eve, Kelly Kelly, Brie Bella, Gail Kim, Alicia Fox, Tiffany, Maria and Mickie James vs. Beth Phoenix, Nikki Bella, Jillian Hall, Maryse, Michelle McCool, Layla, Katie Lea, Rosa and Natalya

Mickie and Jillian start the match off. They go back and forth to start the match with Melina in control. Kelly comes in to work over Jillian now.

Tiffany ends up coming in and pinning Katie Lea out of nowhere with a rollup. A ridiculously fast match.

Winners: Melina, Eve, Kelly Kelly, Brie Bella, Gail Kim, Alicia Fox, Tiffany, Maria and Mickie James

After the match, Santino Marella’s music comes out in a robe and he addresses the Divas from the ramp. He said Vickie Guerrero forbid him from the match at WrestleMania but he went over her head to WWE President Jack Tunney. Tunney died years ago and Santino remembers this. I can’t believe they just did a death joke. Santino says he is going to do a swimsuit thing in the ring and enters the ring with all the Divas. Santino makes jokes on the Divas and tells them to brace themselves. He says this is the man-kini and says hit his music. Stripper music plays as Santino reveals a nasty suspenders get up as he dances like a fruit. The Divas are repulsed. Beth gets pissed off and Rosa has to hold her back. The music stops and Beth is yelling at him. Suddenly all the Divas attack and Santino ends up on the floor. Beth, Rosa and Santino leave as Melina’s music plays.

– Cole and Lawler talk about what Randy Orton did to Triple H and Stephanie last week on RAW. We cut to replays.

– Cole and Lawler announce that Randy Orton will give his WrestleMania Address later tonight. As Cole talks about Chris Jericho, Jerry Lawler puts down the headset and enters the ring for his match tonight. We go to commercial.

Chris Jericho vs. Jerry Lawler

We get a replay of Chris Jericho’s attack on Ric Flair last week. Lawler is in the ring waiting as Jericho’s music hits and he makes his way down to the ring.

Cole announces that at WrestleMania, Chris Jericho must pin all three Legends in the match to win. They lock up to start the match and go to the corner. Words are exchanged and Lawler unloads with lefts and rights. Lawler backs up Jericho in the corner and taunts him some. Jericho drops Lawler with a right then a clothesline. Jericho kicks and slaps Lawler and taunts him.

Jericho continues to dominate the match, beating Lawler back down to the mat. Jericho taunts Lawler the whole time. Jericho goes to the top for an attack but Lawler hits him in the gut on the way down. Lawler takes his straps down and starts rocking Jericho with more right hands until he goes to the mat. Lawler takes Jericho to the mat and hits him with about 10 right hands until the ref pulls him off. Jericho hits Lawler in the gut and locks on the Walls of Jericho. Lawler taps out to give Jericho the win.

Winner: Chris Jericho

After the match, Jericho picks Lawler up to his feet by his ear it looks like, all while talking crap to him. Lawler connects with a right hand that sends Jericho scrambling to the floor. Jericho gets on the mic and says he’s not coming back in the ring because he already beat Lawler. The crowd boo’s. Jericho says when it comes to the Legends at WrestleMania, it’s how bad he’s going to beat them. Jericho reminds the fans he didn’t start this and blames it on Mickey Rourke for making a challenge that he couldn’t back up. Jericho says Rourke’s friends are going to see their demise at WrestleMania. Jericho says after WrestleMania, only one name will be synonymous with the word Legend and that name is Chris Jericho. Jericho’s music hits as we go back to commercial and another 12 Rounds promo.

– Todd Grisham is backstage with John Cena. They start talking about WrestleMania when Edge walks up. He says the chances of Cena walking out as champ are virtually non-existant. Grisham walks off and Edge says but it doesn’t have to be that way. Edge says Show knocked Cena out two weeks ago and Edge out last week. Edge says if they could put aside their differences and take out Big Show, then they can fight all night long. Edge says they’re both sitting ducks unless they get on the same page and asks Cena if they have an understanding. Cena says it makes perfect sense, it’s logical but he doesn’t care. Cena says he doesn’t like Edge and has never trusted him. Cena says he’d rather lose on his own or win with Edge’s help. Cena says he’s going to WrestleMania to be World Champion before walking off.

– We go back to Michael Cole who hypes Randy Orton’s WrestleMania Address later tonight. Cole talks to Ted DiBiase and Cody Rhodes who are backstage and asks what Orton has planned tonight. A noise keeps banging in the background as Cody talks about Orton. Ted says what Orton is going to say affects everyone and after WrestleMania, what we all know about WWE will change forever.

– Outside the arena we see a hearse with some funeral music playing. A driver gets out and they open the top. Shawn Michaels pops up and mouths “Expecting someone else?” as we go to commercial break. Looks like they were having some audio problems.

– Back from commercial and Michael Cole takes us to the Shawn Michaels video again where we hear him say “Expecting someone else?” Cole says we were supposed to see Undertaker’s funeral for Shawn Michaels tonight but that Shawn has other plans. Jerry Lawler makes his way back down to the announcer’s table.

Rey Mysterio vs. JBL

Rey Mysterio makes his way to the ring as the announcers talk about his match with JBL at Rey Mysterio. JBL’s music hits and the white limousine pulls into the arena. WWE Intercontinental Champion JBL gets out with the mic and heads to the ring, talking to Rey. He says he asked for this match tonight to beat Rey within an inch of his life. Cole says this is a non-title match.

Rey and JBL lock up to start the match. Rey ends up dropping JBL early on for the 619 but JBL avoids it. JBL tries to mount an attack but Rey goes to work. Rey springboards off the ropes and JBL knocks him to the mat from mid-air. We go to commercial as JBL stands over Rey.

Back from commercial and JBL has Rey tied up but Mysterio fights out. Rey comes off the ropes and JBL catches him. JBL nails the overhead suplex and sends Rey scrambling to the floor. JBL follows Rey to the floor and starts kicking him as the ref counts. JBL rolls him back in the ring for a 2 count. JBL continues the assault on Rey.

JBL backs Rey in the corner and hits him with big punches as the ref tells him to back off. JBL puts Rey on the top turnbuckle and Rey starts fighting back. Rey hits the seated senton from the top and ducks a big boot from JBL. Enziguri from Rey drops JBL for the 619. Rey goes for it but JBL ducks. Rey knocks him back to the ropes and nails 619 this time. Rey comes off the ropes with the splash to get the pinfall and the win.

Winner: Rey Mysterio

– We see a replay of John Cena’s speech from this past week’s SmackDown. Big Show is shown headed to the ring for their match as we go back to break.

– We get another WrestleMania highlight package featuring clips from WrestleMania 11 with Lawrence Taylor vs. Bam Bam Bigelow.

John Cena vs. Big Show

We see some Dallas Cowboys and Michael Irvin sitting at ringside. John Cena’s music hits and he comes out to a big pop from the crowd. Out next is Big Show. Vickie Guerrero is shown backstage watching the match on a TV.

Show backs Cena in the corner to start the match and starts hitting big body blows on Cena. Show knocks him to the mat and brings him back in the corner with a big chop to the chest. Show knocks Cena back down and uses the ropes to put his weight down on Cena. Show continues the assault with a head butt and stands on Cena’s chest with both feet.

Show wraps Cena’s arms in the ropes and has him facing the crowd. Show starts beating on Cena’s back. Cena tries to fight back with shots to the gut. Cena runs the ropes and goes for a flying shoulder but Show just knocks him to the floor from mid-air. Show continues beating Cena down with headbutts and punches. Show goes for a big splash in the corner but Cena moves. Cena runs at Show again but he lifts Cena high in the air and drops him on the mat.

Show drops Cena again and climbs to the second rope. Show bounces on the rope and goes for a big drop but Cena rolls out of the way. Cena climbs to the top and hits his big leg drop. Cena grabs Show’s legs for something but Show kicks him away and to the apron. Back to commercial as Show kicks Cena to the floor from the apron.

Back from the break and Show has Cena down on the mat with his knee in his back. We see that during the break Cena got thrown into the ring post. Show lets go and stands on Cena again. Show puts his foot on Cena’s head and steps on it. Show calls for the chokeslam as Cena is trying to get up. Show grabs Cena and lifts him but Cena counters with a big DDT. Cena locks on the STF but can’t get a grip on it because of the size of Big Show. Show breaks loose and knocks Cena off of him.

Show goes for the big knockout punch but Cena ducks. Cena tries to pick Show up for the former FU but he can’t lift Show up. Show grabs Cena and drops him with a big chokeslam to get the clean pinfall and the win.

Winner: Big Show

After the match, Edge enters the ring from behind Show. Edge takes advantage of the situation and attacks Cena, who is still laid out on the mat. Show watches as Edge assaults Cena and the WWE officials have to separate him from Cena’s body. Edge looks like a maniac as RAW gets ready for another commercial break.

– We get a replay of Shawn Michaels’ segment on The Undertaker from last week’s SmackDown where Taker came through the bottom of the ring. Shawn Michaels and a group of pallbearers holding a casket are shown walking through the back. Lawler says HBK is holding a funeral for Taker’s streak tonight as we go back to commercial.

– Back from commercial and the funeral music is playing as the lights are low. Cole says we were supposed to get a funeral for Mr. WrestleMania tonight but that’s changed. HBK’s music starts playing and out he comes in black. HBK stops and bows his head before his pyro goes off. HBK walks to the ring where a casket, black flowers, a black ring cover and photos are on display.

The Undertaker’s music plays low in the background as HBK talks. He says this entire funeral procession is not for him, it’s for The Undertaker. He says this Sunday, the undefeated WrestleMania streak will cease to exist. HBK talks about what’s happened between him and Taker over the past few weeks. HBK talks some more and lifts the casket and it’s empty. HBK says Taker has said that he uses WrestleMania to show his peers and the world what he represents. HBK says the fact that Taker don’t think he can beat the streak is a personal insult. HBK says he is Mr. WrestleMania and this Sunday, every moment over the past 24 years is going to pale in comparison to what he achieves.

HBK says the next day people will be talking about everything that happened at Mania but the thing that will last forever is the fact that Shawn Michaels pinned Undertaker at WrestleMania. The bells start to toll and the lights go out. They come back on and Taker is standing in the ring. Shawn has disappeared and Taker is pissed. He starts ripping the funeral set apart. Taker stops and looks around, stopping to stare at the casket. Taker opens the casket ready to fight but it is empty. HBK comes from under the casket and drops Taker with Sweet Chin Music for the second week in a row. HBK does a couple crotch chops and gets all in Taker’s face as his music plays. Taker tries to get up as Shawn makes his way to the back.

– Back from a break and Cole plugs the WWE Hall of Fame. We cut to a nice video package with highlights from Stone Cold Steve Austin’s career. Lawler runs down the WrestleMania card and says he will be hosting the Hall of Fame this year.

– Backstage we see Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase talking to a group of security, telling them to be prepared for anything.

Over the Top Battle Royal: CM Punk vs. Christian Cage vs. Finlay vs. MVP vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Kane vs. Kofi Kingston vs. Mark Henry

The MITB briefcase is hanging high above the ring and ladders are at ringside as CM Punk makes his entrance for this battle royal. Kane is out next and we go to commercial.

Back from commercial and all the Money in the Bank participants are in the ring. The bell rings and everyone starts brawling. Kane tries to dump Punk while MVP and Shelton are brawling. Henry almost gets Finlay out. Henry finally eliminates Finlay and it pisses Hornswoggle off. A couple guys come over and dump Henry out of the ring. Kane and Punk try to eliminate Christian but he hangs on. Punk and Kane go at it now.

Shelton dumps MVP but he hangs on. MVP tries to suplex Shelton over to the floor but they struggle on the apron. Kane comes over and knocks them both to the floor. Everyone attacks Kane now and try to eliminate him. Punk grabs Kofi by the head and throws him to the floor. Kane drops Punk with a big right hand and drops him. Kane goes to eliminate Christian but can’t. Punk hits Kane with forearm shots in the corner. Christian tries to dump Punk over the top rope but can’t. Punk hits his running knee on Christian. Christian tosses Punk over but he hangs on. Kane throws Christian over the rope into Punk on the apron and eliminates both men to win the match.

Winner: Kane

After the match, Kane goes outside to the floor and brings the ladder in the ring. He climbs the ladder and grabs the briefcase as his music plays.

– Backstage we see Rhodes and DiBiase walking with security to Randy Orton’s dressing room. They knock on the door and out he comes wearing the new Legacy t-shirt. Legacy march toward the ring surrounded by security as we go back to commercial.

– Back from commercial and Randy Orton makes his way to the ring without security, Ted DiBiase or Cody Rhodes to give his WrestleMania Address. The crowd gives Orton some heat as he just stands there and stares at everyone. Orton says that at the age of 24, he became the youngest World Champion in WWE history. Orton says it was the greatest moment in his life but it was short-lived because the next night on RAW, Triple H turned on him in a fit of jealous rage. We flashback to clips of Evolution.

Orton talks about waiting to create his own group and talks about beating Triple H to win the 2009 Royal Rumble this year. We flash back to the Rumble where Legacy eliminated Triple H. Orton says he’s earned the right to face Triple H at WrestleMania this year but that wasn’t enough. He says he had to raise the stakes and take everything away from Triple H and destroy him – so he chose his family. Orton talks about Vince, Shane and Stephanie and plays clips of his attacks on them.

Orton says almost 5 years after he turned on him, he RKO’d his wife. Orton says, IED…? No, he knew exactly what he was doing the entire time. Orton tells the fans to sit down and shut up, to listen to him before he gets pissed off. Orton is already pissed off and the crowd gives him some heat. Orton plays clips of last week’s RAW where he had Triple H handcuffed and attacked Stephanie.

Orton says at WrestleMania, everytime Triple H looks at him he will see the guy who DDT’d his wife and sealed it with a kiss. Orton says if Triple H even thinks of bringing a sledgehammer to the match, he’s wrong. Orton says he talked to Vickie Guerrero and even if Triple H is counted out or disqualified, he loses the WWE Title. If he comes out with his hammer, it’s an automatic DQ and Orton wins the belt. Orton says when he wins the bet this weekend, the entire landscape in WWE changes. Orton says he will be on top of everything. We see a limousine speeding up to the arena as Orton stops talking. Orton yells to turn on the lights and calls for Ted and Cody to get out here. They come rushing out with security and block the path to the ring.

The limo is shown again with nobody inside it and both doors open. Orton keeps talking trash from the ring. The music hits and out comes Vince McMahon with a pissed look on his face. Huge pop for Vince! Vince takes off his tie and rolls his sleeves up. The music hits now and out comes Shane McMahon! The music stops and plays again and this time it’s Triple H! The three stand at the top of the stage ready to fight. They march to the ring and knock down security in their way. Vince and Shane are kicking the hell out of security with Triple H.

Legacy meet them on the floor and it’s Triple H and Orton going at it, Vince and Ted and Cody and Shane. Orton and Triple H end up in the ring, rolling back and forth on each other trading shots. Back on their feet and Triple H backs Orton in the corner. Triple H wails away on Orton’s head as RAW goes off the air to a final WrestleMania promo video.