WWE SmackDown Results
Report by by: Michael C. Grimaldi
-Casket Match highlights from last week
– The VIP Lounge- MVP is in the ring talking on his cell phone while everyone waits on him to finish his phone call. MVP addresses his losing streak and the critics of him lately including “Hurricane Helms.” Okay, guess we have a new name now and apparently someone on the show finally watches it on TV! As MVP briefly mentions Helms, the “HurraPop” comes up with Helms just mouthing MVP’s words. MVP then reveals that the “incentive” clause in his contract actually says that he has to win a certain number of matches within an allotted time or else his contracts rolls over to a “standard talent contract.” Ahhh…so that’s where they’re going with the “he spends more money than he makes” idea. He says he’s out here to assure us that nothing will stop him from getting the money that is owed to him. If that isn’t a cue for someone to interrupt. And here comes The Great Khali (w/ Ranjin Singh)…or as I now call him, Kurrgan 2.0. MVP tells them that they can’t just come up in his VIP lounge, but Singh announces it’s time for the Khali “Kiss Cam.” Singh says Khali thinks MVP is boring and if he wants to be part of something actually entertaining to sit down and watch. MVP storms off his own set. Singh again brings in some fat women for Khali to kiss. After he does, MVP jumps Khali from behind, gives him a few forearms to the back and then bails.
-Back in the GM’s office, Vickie marvels at Khali’s new found personality while The Big Show sits, moping on the couch. Vickie says, “Maybe I got the wrong giant to take care of my business” which launches Show off the couch. She says she was joking and Show walks out. MVP storms in saying he’s not going to put up with “this” anymore and Khali the “Punjabi Wookie” comes into the VIP lounge, “Fat girls ain’t allowed in the VIP lounge.” Vickie says the Khali segments are one of the highest rated on “her” show while all MVP does is lose. She informs MVP (and us) that he has only until Survivor Series to win a match or else he has to pay back his signing bonus. MVP says he’s due for a win so Vickie gives him a match tonight…against Khali.
1. R-Truth vs, (WWE US Champion) Shelton Benjamin for the WWE US Championship- Shelton starts off with a side headlock and then takes Truth over. They get back to a standing position and Truth nails a back suplex and gets a 1 count. Shelton picks Truth up in a press slam and then drops him ribs first on his knee. He follows up with a back breaker and a stretch over his knee for a submission attempt. Truth gets out, Benjamin reverses a whip to the corner but misses charging in and Truth takes him down with a clothesline. They get back to their feet and Truth takes him down with two more clotheslines and the a leaping heel kick that produces a near fall. Shelton gets Truth up in position for a powerbomb but Truth fights out and then nails the corkscrew forearm for a 2 count. Shelton gets to his feet and then basically leaps to the top rope and back off at Truth in a jump to nowhere spot, Truth kicks him in the gut when he lands and Shelton falls to the mat and the bails to the outside. Truth hits a tope con hilo over the top rope onto Benjamin and throws him back into the ring. Truth comes back in with a missile dropkick off the top rope but is slow to follow up, selling the ribs, finally getting cover and a 2 count. Shelton rolls to the apron and Truth tries to suplex from the outside in but Shelton reverses and drops Truth midsection first over the top rope. Shelton then quickly slides back into the ring and nails “Pay dirt” and gets the 1, 2, 3 to win the match a retain the US title.
-Backstage Jimmy Wang Yang is show stretching when THE Brian Kendrick comes walking up with him with Ezekiel Jackson. Kendrick quotes “Jules Winnfield’s” biblical reference and Yang says, “Ezekiel 25:17?” Big Zeke says no, “Sam Jackson; Pulp Fiction.” I guess that was just to help people who didn’t get where the got Big Zeke’s name from. Big Zeke vs. Yang is next.
2. Ezekiel Jackson (w/ THE Brian Kendrick) vs. Jimmy Wang Yang- Zeke is intro’d being from Harlem, NY. Let’s see, a black dude, in all black trunks and boots who is bald and has a beard that is from “Harlem?”…I can’t wait till he brings out the Harlem sewer rats! HurraPop tells Zeke that “Michael Phelps called…he wants those tights back…I’m just sayin’.” Did Helms watch the Olympics and see that swimmers now wear full body suits? Geez. DETAILS GUYS! Yang attempts the proverbial “stick and move” strategy and lands a few drop kicks to the knee, but Zeke quickly takes Yang down with a big shoulder tackle. Zeke shoves Yang into the corner and then tries a big biel out of the corner that didn’t exactly make him look like a superman. Zeke redeems himself with an impressive one armed ura nage slam for the win. Kendrick rushes into the ring to celebrate “his” win and then for good measure hits “The Kendrick” on Yang.
-A video recapping Vladimir Kozlov’s run through “competition” is shown.
-Backstage Michelle McCool is being prepped in make up with her awful new bangs (if this were 1989 that would be a good look). Eve Torres comes up and ask Michelle’s advice on training. Michelle responds, “You mean, to be a wrestler?” “Why the fuck are you asking me? Have you seen any of my matches? Here, watch this (Michelle hands Eve “Shimmer Women’s Athlete’s Volume 20”)…okay, I made the second part up. Michelle asks Eve “Do you want it?” Michelle then starts to trash Maria in a catty way saying “she’s my friend but is missing something up here (brains).” Michelle says Maria is a Playboy pin up girl and that’s what she does best. Maria walks in not knowing what is being talked about. Eve pretends to be friendly with Maria to tease their title match next week.
-RAW Rebound shows Jericho defeating Batista for the World Title on Monday.
-Jeff Hardy is in Vickie’s office begging for just one more shot at Triple H for the WWE title at Survivor Series. Vickie says Hardy does have what it takes to be WWE Champion and says that he isn’t even that “extreme” anymore. Jeff asks if she wants “extreme” and she says what she wants is for him to get ready for his tag team match, because “that’s what you do best.” Hardy says tonight he’s going to blow her mind.
-Ross informs us that the “tag match” Vickie referred to is Triple H and Hardy vs. Miz and Morrison.
-Ross and Tazz welcome us back…then something is shown that isn’t aired on the International feed….cut straight to Triple H’s entrance.
3. (WWE Champion) Triple H & Jeff Hardy vs. The Miz and John Morrison- Morrison’s abs are super glittered up this week. Tazz makes the joke that Morrison is “Abby Normal.” Yeah Tazz, because the current target WWE fan base gets a reference to a 1983 Steve Martin film. Anyways, Triple H laughs at his ab artwork and Morrison and the Game start the match off. Morrison backs HHH in the corner and shows some aggressiveness whaling away on him with right hands. Morrison whips HHH in the corner but HHH comes firing out with a clothesline. HHH follows up with a suplex on Morrison and tags in Hardy who comes in an kicks his opponent. Hardy quickly goes for the Twist of Fat but Morrison bails out of the ring and convalesces with Miz on the outside. Hardy hits a unique double leg spit dropkick on both men and then hits a Swanton like tope con hilo over the top onto both men.
Back from break Hardy takes Miz down with a headlock take over to allow them time to replay the high spots before the commercials. Back to live action Hardy gets a near fall on Miz. Triple H asks for a tag but Hardy wants to do it himself. Hardy’s strategy backfires and after a distraction from Morrison, Miz spears him off the apron and to the floor. Miz and Morrison take control and hit their “slingshot/forearm/back breaker/elbow” gimmick on Hardy which nets a near fall. Morrison gets aggressive again before applying a cravat on Hardy. Hardy fights out but Miz gets the tag and takes Hardy down with a face buster/Stroke type move and gets a 2 count. Morrison is tagged back in and they hit a double gut buster on Hardy and Morrison covers for another 2 count. Hardy hits a mule kick and a hooking clothesline on Morrison. Hardy has the chance to make the hot tag but tells Triple H, “I don’t need you.” Morrison does make the tag and Miz comes in and tries his Sydal clothesline but Hardy moves Hardy then knocks Morrison off the apron and hits the tip up dropkick in the corner on Miz. Hardy hits Whisper in the Wind on Miz and gets a near fall. Hardy hits a sit out gordbuster on Miz and goes to the top. Morrison draws Triple H into the ring which distracts the ref and allows Morrison to crotch Hardy on the top rope. Triple H finally has enough and goes after Miz and Morrison. While the ref gets Triple H out of the ring, Hardy grabs a chair and brings it in and hits Miz and Morrison with it causing a DQ. Hardy starts to wildly throw the chair around and Miz and Morrison and chases Morrison up the ramp. Hardy stares back at Triple H and The Game decides to send a message by hitting the Pedigree on Miz before locking eyes again with Hardy. Finally, some interesting build up to Hardy/HHH.
-Backstage Eve asks Kozlov about his match with Undertaker. He says what you’d expect…he’ll beat Taker, beat Triple H and become champion.
-Ross and Tazz narrate Jeff Hardy’s “snapping” during the last match. Hardy storms into Vickie’s office and asks if that was “extreme” enough for her and she says while it was “extreme” she and Kozlov have a deal, so “close but no cigar” and then says that is the story of Hardy’s career.
-Thee Big Show makes his way out to the stage with a mic. He says he has something to say. Really? That’s why you have a mic? He says he has a message for the Undertaker and tells Kozlov to “save a little something for me.” Show says he’s been thinking about The Undertaker a lot recently…awwww. He says he’s figured out what Taker gets his power from; fear. He goes all psychoanalytical and says UT has no power over him. He says he’s beaten him twice and pounded him into the canvas and he knows Taker is made of flesh and blood. He challenges Taker to a Casket Match at Survivor Series.
4. MVP vs. The Great Khali (w/ Ranjin Singh)- Tazz calls him the “Gigantic Gangster of Love.” Stan Lane has just filed a lawsuit that will be heard right after Larry Zbyszko’s one against Jericho for calling himself a “living legend” years back. How’s the senior PGA tour career going Uncle Larry? MVP tries the same strategy as Yang did against Ezekiel and has a little more success, but not much. Khali lays him out with the head chop and then hits the Tree Slam for the victory. After the match HurraPop mocks MVP again.
5. Brie Bella vs. Victoria (w/ Natalya)- Victoria takes Bella over with a headlock to start off (that is a theme in these Smackdown matches if you notice). Brie does a handstand to get out but Victoria locks the headlock back on and takes her over again. They battle for a top wrist lock and Brie takes her over with a headscissors but Victoria comes back with a clothesline. Victoria hits a fireman’s carry into a side slam for a near fall. Victoria goes for a standing moonsault but Brie gets the knees up. Brie gets the advantage for a few moments but Victoria catches her and hits a powerslam for a near fall. Victoria argues over the count and Brie locks in an inside cradle and gets the flash pin. After the match Victoria and Natalya corner Brie who tries to escape under the ring but Victoria catches the “other” Bella coming out of the ring while Brie is going under. They finally reveal that there are two Bellas. They sisters smile and then take the advantage of the shock of Victoria and Natalya to throw them in the ring,, hit stereo flying mares and then stereo X-Factors. Backstage Carlito and Primo are watching getting very excited. Primo says, “that’s cool” and Carlito gets annoyed.
-John Cena video that reminds us that at one point he wasn’t a stale pandering babyface.
-Vladimir Kozlov and The Undertaker make their entrances.
6. The Undertaker vs. Vladimir Kozlov- The lock up and battle for an advantage. Kozlov gets a side headlock (that theme again), Taker shoves him off into the ropes and Kozlov takes him down hard with a shoulder tackle. The same situation in reverse then happens. Taker hits a huge boot to the face that knocks Kozlov down and then clotheslines him over the top rope. The battle on the outside, Taker hits his leg drop on the apron. Back in the ring, Kozlov comes back with some shoulder tackles but Taker takes the buckle on a whip and comes out with a clothesline for a near fall. The trade blows and punches. Kozlov hits the Al Snow headbutts and then the straight kick to the chest for a near fall. Kozlov backs him into the corner with more punches. Taker reverse and tries a headbutt but Taker sells as much as Kozlov does. Kozlov fires away again with very limited punches and kicks. Taker hits Snake Eyes but Kozlov no sells and hits a powerslam. Taker goes for the gogoplata, “The Devil’s Triangle” (nice name) but either Robinson tells him it’s illegal and/or Kozlov gets to the ropes. Jeff Hardy hits the ring with his new best friend, Mr. Steel Chair and like a moron hits Kozlov with it, causing a DQ. He then hits Kozlov a few more times before hitting Undertaker with it. HEY DUMB ASS, if you hit Taker first, then Kozlov is the one who get’s DQ’ed and doesn’t get the title shot! Taker sits up and Hardy bails. Taker stalks Hardy but when Justin Roberts announces Kozlov the winner, Taker turns back to the ring and goes back to chokeslam Kozlov.
Hardy rushes back into Vickie’s office and says he’ll do what Kozlov couldn’t do, next week, he’ll take out the Undertaker if she makes the match “Extreme Rules.” Vickie agrees. Taker poses in the ring